seriously, wtf

I just finished watching Knowing, the film touted by respected film critic Roger Ebert as one of ‘09’s best. If Knowing was indeed one of the better films of the year than my initial feelings about this year’s films were correct – this was a shit year. The film was especially disappointing because it actually maintained my interest for the first 75 minutes (running time is two hours); however, what began as an exploration of determinism versus randomness deteriorated into a ridiculous tale of aliens and apocalypse. (If you enjoy the terrain trekked by M. Night Shyamalan, whom I don’t care for, then you’ll probably enjoy Knowing.) On the plus side, the flick features some above average CGI, and, contrary to much of his previous work, I wasn’t annoyed by Nic Cage’s performance as (don’t laugh) an MIT professor.

In the end, Knowing, ironically, doesn’t know where to go or what to be. It could have chosen to explore some age-old philosophical questions; unfortunately, though, Knowing chooses to delve into Hollywood’s bag of age-old clichés – and the viewer questions why he chose to waste two hours watching a mediocre film.

My Netflix rating: two out of five stars.

xx

(“The caves won't save us! Nothing can!”)

i heart zach galifianakis

Here are videos one and two of Zach Galifianakis' upcoming series The Snuggler (it's going to be epic). The third video is a sneak peak of The Snuggler video game -- sure to be the gift for the upcoming Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday!

ballast

Just watched Lance Hammer's 2008 film, Ballast. The film, which captured the Best Director and Best Cinematography awards at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival, is the epitome of great cinema. The film ultimately lives or dies on the story itself – a sword that every great film must fall on. Hammer doesn't manipulate the viewer with storytelling tricks, nor does he use music to accentuate moments of drama; in fact, music is completely absent from the film, including the closing credits. Ballast soars because Hammer, who also wrote the script, relies on the story and the talents of the films four stars, who ostensibly are the film's only characters. Roger Ebert, who named Ballast one of his favorites of 2008, remarked that the movie "inexorably grows and deepens and gathers power and absorbs us." Indeed, the story is simple, but summarizing it is not. Essentially, Ballast is a tale of cause and effect, and it is watching how the characters react – not what they react against – that makes this such a compelling film.

Ballast is currently streaming on Netflix.

xx

run

After taking a month off from running (which I started doing regularly in early November) to deal with some knee issues, I purchased some actual running shoes today from Indiana Running Company. I'm hoping my knee issues were a product of my ignorance and not something anatomical. See, I stupidly began my running routine in a pair of sneakers -- shoes NOT designed for running. (Note to self: inappropriate shoes along with low arches are a sure-fire combination for injury.) The knowledgeable staff at Indiana Running Company analyzed my gait and presented a number of shoes for me to try, and their indoor track allowed me a test run in each pair. They even offer a two-week trial period, so if these shoes ultimately aren't the right fit, I can take them back and try a different pair.

xx

xmas lies

Well, Xmas wasn't a complete catastrophe. Here's a brief recap:

Panda Bear and I left Bloomington around 10AM to make the two-hour trip north to hometown. The anxiety had subsided itself until I realized that mom's place was only four blocks away – that fact churned my belly and brought tremors to my fingers. As I approached the front door with gifts in hand, sister spotted me and opened the door; I barely acknowledged her presence as I passed through the doorway. I struggled to evade eye contact with her and soon realized that she was aware of my avoidant behavior. After forty minutes she approached me and asked, "Hey, where's my hug?" I hugged her and she asked me what I had gotten for Xmas (by this point gifts had been exchanged – I brought no gift for sister and she had nothing for me or the rest of the family); I told her then walked away, as if I had something else to tend to.

About thirty minutes after that awkward exchange it was time to eat – and this is when things fell apart. As if scripted, sister and I found ourselves alone in the kitchen, each of us preparing our plates, and she asked, "Are you mad at me?" "Mad? Am I mad at you? I wouldn't say I'm mad at you… I, I just feel really badly for you." Sometime during those first sentences my pity gave way to anger, and I recall saying something like "What you did on Thanksgiving was inexcusable. Mom was sick and you were fucked up and stole money from her." I remember little of our exchange because as I began speaking, the scab was quickly being ripped and torn, and everything came pouring out. I don't even remember leaving the kitchen, but I do recall finding myself at the dining-room table, telling mom I had told sister how I felt. Sister, in tears, had retreated to the bathroom, where she was soon joined by mom. Moments later mom rejoined us at the kitchen table, and after a few minutes I then joined sister in the bathroom. She was crying, practically hyperventilating. And I told her I still loved her. Told her I how badly I felt for her. I told her I wanted back the old sister. The person I used to know. And she said that that person had been lost forever to a sea of depression. And she denied using drugs. And she denied stealing that money from mom on Thanksgiving. And she accused my girlfriend of shooting her with evil glances. She lied. Through her pouring tears she lied. Through her pitiful story of depression – during which she said that if not for her three-year-old son she would have killed herself years ago – she turned the tide and made herself, not her family or son, the victim – I was wrong for falsely accusing a sufferer of depression – NOT an addict – of stealing and abusing. I eventually emerged from the bathroom, sister soon followed. With my appetite gone, I forced myself to consume a few forkfuls of food. Sister didn't eat; she never took her seat at the table. Needless to say, Xmas dinner was a dysfunctional affair. Eventually the mood lifted somewhat, and about ninety minutes later she, her husband and son left, and goodbyes were exchanged as if nothing had happened. The mask was back in place. The denial gave her the strength to proceed.

Many hours later and many miles away from hometown, wrapped inside the security blanket of Bloomington, I found myself regretting what I had said and the scene I had made. I, not the guiltless addict, had ruined Xmas. I, choosing not to adorn a fake façade, had been maligned, forced into a stalemate by the liar.

xx

xmas morning

About to depart for hometown to spend most of the day with the parents (who are divorced, which means dividing my time between the two camps) and sister. I'll probably see sister at mom's, and I'm hoping to avoid an ugly, awkward confrontation with her.

As a child I loved Xmas. Now, as a 31-year-old adult, I'll be glad when the day is done.

xx

some pics from tonight

Fourth Street



Kirkwood and College



Tree on the Square



Wreath



The Light



Bakehouse



Kirkwood @ Fountain Square



Sixth and College



North Star



Alley

flashback

Does it get any better than this?

ebert list

I had considered this year in cinema to be rather unremarkable, but leave it to Roger Ebert to convince me otherwise. Check out his best films of 2009 here. I added nearly every film to my Netflix queue – even the Nic Cage flick Knowing.

xx

read it and weep

from chicagotribune.com:

How health lobbyists influenced reform bill
Former staffers of lawmakers from Harry Reid to Mitch McConnell push clients' agenda

"At least 166 former aides from the nine congressional leadership offices and five committees involved in shaping health overhaul legislation -- along with at least 13 former lawmakers -- registered to represent at least 338 health care clients since the beginning of last year, according to the analysis.

Their health care clients spent $635 million on lobbying over the past two years, the study shows.

The total of insider lobbyists jumps to 278 when non-health-care firms that reported lobbying on health issues are added in, the analysis found."

Full story: http://www.chicagotribune.com/health/chi-health-lobbyists_bddec20,0,5453763,print.story


And from today's Meet The Press on NBC:

MSNBC host Joe Scarborough (a Republican) was asked a simple question about health care: What has President Obama achieved? His answer: "He has made a lot of people with insurance stock a lot richer."

"This [bill] is great for insurance companies," he explained. "They were going to reform the system [but] neither side wanted to take on the insurance companies. Neither side wanted to get rid of anti-trust exemptions. Neither side really pushed hard to allow you or me or anybody here to buy across state lines. And as Howard Dean said -- and this is a devastating fact -- insurance companies' stocks reached a 52-year high on Friday after this so called reform bill got its 60th vote. So David Axelrod, who I love and respect, but David Axelrod kept saying 'we took on the insurance companies, this is real reform, they're against it.' Really? I don't think so."

Watch:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

completed

A couple of hours ago I submitted the final draft of my formal report for English 211, which officially concluded the Fall 2009 semester(!). Earlier today I took my Anatomy and Physiology 102 final, and, in the process, secured an A for the course(!) -- a HUGE relief. I also earlier spoke to my mom; we discussed the Xmas-sister situation. I'll disclose the details later.

Anyway, I couldn't possibly convey the relief I feel knowing the semester is over. Unfortunately the next three weeks will find me studying for the Test of Essential Academic Skills (TEAS), which I'll take in early January. The TEAS covers reading comprehension, English skills, math abilities and science knowledge, and will ultimately determine if I make it into the nursing program in Fall 2010. It's a large test -- a four-hour time limit is given and, from what I gather, I'll need every minute of those four hours.

But this weekend is chill time. And tonight finds me drinking good beer with good people.

xx

found this the other day

Photographer Raoef Mamedov's Last Supper, which portrays Jesus and his disciples as sufferers of Down Syndrome.

[Click pic to see larger version.]

dreaming

The latest health-care reform FAIL is not a total failure – it presents a perfect opportunity to create a viable third party. Liberal Democrats who want a public option should abandon their party and plant the poles for a new tent. Such an exit would allow those distinguished Democrats to do precisely what some of their colleagues will not do – support their convictions with actions and with votes. Indeed, an exodus from the Democratic Party would draw a firm line between those who simply offer lip service to real, working Americans, and those who are willing to work on behalf of the lower- and middle-class citizens of this country. And what a statement those Senators, Congressmen and Congresswomen would make by founding a new party – and, in the process, risking their elected positions – on the ideals of the working class!

Consequently, a new party would tap into the Democrats' growing fracture. And this break is sizable. President Obama was elected thanks in large part to a fervent populous; young people who had never demonstrated interest in politics not only registered to vote for "change," but dedicated countless hours through volunteer efforts. The regression of such a volatile movement cannot be discounted; enthusiasm can quickly deform into disillusion – and this is what I'm witnessing now.

This is the Information Age, and today's voters are more educated than ever before; social networks can dictate the tide of popular opinion – and the opinion among Americans regarding the current climate of health-care reform is toxic, and I would suggest this toxicity is strongest among young people – the very people who voted to etch a brave new course into the scarred landscape of American politics. Indeed, there is nothing new about corporate interests superseding the concerns of the American people.

It's time for the third act – a third party.

xx

howard dean for president

Howard Dean appeared on tonight's Hardball with Chris Matthews and attempted to light a badly-needed fire under the Senate Democrats who have COMPLETELY CAVED on health-care reform. The public option is out. Expanding Medicare is out. And last night the Senate rejected two proposals that would have saved Americans millions of dollars through the importation of cheaper prescription drugs.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Over the last couple weeks I have witnessed corporations protect its valuable interests by killing real health-care reform. And yes, I know the familiar line given by the cynics and disenfranchised: "The corporations own the lawmakers and run the country." However, it's one thing to hear this sardonic drivel from some poor, pontificating bastard, but it's another thing entirely when, before your very eyes, the interests of the American people are raped, gutted and buried for the betterment of the corporate machine.

Utterly disgusted,

xx

regarding my previous post

I know there are some – well, a few – people who visit the space on a fairly regular basis. If you are one of them, or if you just now stumbled upon my blog, I would greatly appreciate it if you would please comment on my previous post. I'm seeking an objective opinion of the situation. If you were in my position, what would you do? Should I tell my mother that I don't want to see sister during my Xmas visit? Or, should I simply object to her presence and deal with it? Perhaps I should say nothing at all? And how should I inform sister that I no longer want her in my life? Letter? Phone call?

I understand that some, perhaps all of you have never dealt with such a crisis. Whatever your history, please give me your opinion. Just click on the COMMENTS link at the bottom of this post and type something.

Thank you.

xx

right now (3am)

In the days since the Last Thursday post I've been pondering the sister situation. I don't want to contribute to the stress that mother is currently experiencing (her illness and sister), but I'm considering telling her that I don't want sister present during my visit on Xmas day. I don't want to relay those wishes to her. I really don't. Xmas has always been – well, it was a very special time for our family until, of course, sister fell into the abyss. However, I don't see the point in maintaining a façade of normalcy while the roots of our lives are being strangled by sister's sickness. Additionally, a signal needs to be sent – mother, obviously because sister is her daughter, is somewhat tolerant of her behavior, and until sister experiences some familial consequences for drug use I don't believe her path to recovery can truly begin. (If you've seen the A&E program Intervention then you know how the enabling behavior of loved ones/family can provide sustenance and shelter for the addict.) Of course, for mother, cutting off sister would mean limited, potentially zero, contact time with her cherished grandson.

But I'm getting ahead of myself: I must first determine just how I will convey my feelings to sister. How exactly do I tell her that she's no longer a part of my life? A phone call? A letter? I'm leaning on a letter because, in my opinion, a letter has greater impact; also, my communication is much more direct and poignant when it is delivered through the written word; and finally, prepared documents better fit my passive-aggressive tendencies. I don't know. Unchartered waters here.

Right now I'm listening to Former Ghosts' "This Is My Last Goodbye." And its sound is entirely appropriate for this moment.

Right now.

xx

Former Ghosts - This Is My Last Goodbye from Lucky Vita on Vimeo.

cool video (no, really)

While rummaging through the Internets I found this spectacular point-of-view video of the 16 November 2009 launch of Space Shuttle Atlantis. (Atlantis returned to terra firma eleven days later.) Pretty amazing stuff.