For those curious, last weekend with L was very enjoyable. On Saturday we went to Bloomington's annual Renaissance Fair -- wow. There are the Trekkies, the Star Wars geeks and the Renaissance folk. I won't, however, write ill of the experience. The Renaissance people are very committed to their craft and enjoy every minute of it; how many people can truly say the same of their own lives?
Afterward, inspired by what we had seen, we rented the classic Monty Python and the Holy Grail. A bona fide comedy classic.
I'm glad L and I have amended our past mistakes. I have recommitted myself to L and our relationship in an attempt to avert future blow ups -- it's all I can do. I hope she understands that this relationship is new territory for me; I've never been involved in something such as this. When you have lived your entire adult life as a single man it is difficult to adjust to a new addition -- a person you love and care for very much. I don't think she comprehends how difficult this adjustment has and still is for me. But she is an empathetic girl and I try not to worry about it too much.
Thanks for a lovely weekend, Panda Bear.
mc
One of the funniest scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail -- "Coconuts"
30 April 2007
ian curtis and kurt cobain news
From PitchForkMedia.com:
Ian Curtis Biopic Control to Premiere at Cannes
Since we last hipped you to Control, director Anton Corbijn's retelling of the life, loves, and death of Joy Division sadsack Ian Curtis, we've learned much about the flick. We found out that Sam Riley, likely best known for playing Mark E. Smith in 24 Hour Party People, will adopt the guise of an even bitterer coot in Control's lead role, while Samantha Morton (the goo-covered, crime fighting mandroid from Minority Report) will play Curtis' embattled wife.
We learned that Alexandra Maria Lara, who plays Curtis' mistress Annik Honoré, is smokin'. We learned that the dudes in New Order (birthed, as you're well aware, from the ashes of Joy Division) are less than jazzed about how the film in being handled. And we learned that there'll be a Control launch party at Cannes complete with a moment of silence to mark the 27th anniversary of Curtis' death.
According to a Variety report, the bash will surround the premiere of Control at Cannes on May 17, while members of New Order, Depeche Mode, and U2 (some guy called Bono) are expected to be in attendance.
Courtney Love to Auction Kurt Cobain's Belongings
Courtney Love is an easy target, though maybe unfairly. Because even though she hasn't seemed to do much justice to the memory of Kurt Cobain since his death, her life hasn't exactly been a cakewalk. Losing a spouse and raising a child alone are rough, to say the least, and Cobain worshipers aren't the most forgiving of fans.
So we'll grant her a pass for this latest Kurt-related move. In an interview with AOL music blog Spinner, Love said she plans "to have a Christie's auction" for most of the Cobain memorabilia that she possesses and "make a lot of money and give a bunch of it to charity." See, there are worse things.
Though the decision seems sudden and a little arbitrary coming 13 years after Cobain's death, Love is apparently just sick of having so many of Cobain's belongings remind her of the past. "[My house] is like a mausoleum," she said. "My daughter doesn't need to inherit a giant hefty bag full of flannel fucking shirts... A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to '[Smells Like] Teen Spirit'-- that's what my daughter gets. And the rest of it we'll just fucking sell."
The details of the auction are still forthcoming.
Love is planning the release of her second solo album, Nobody's Daughter, which draws inspiration from her highly publicized relationships with Cobain, Billy Corgan, Trent Reznor, and actor Edward Norton, according to Spinner. "I still wear his pajamas to bed," she said of Cobain. "How am I ever going to go form another relationship in my lifetime wearing Kurt's pajamas?"
Ian Curtis Biopic Control to Premiere at Cannes
Since we last hipped you to Control, director Anton Corbijn's retelling of the life, loves, and death of Joy Division sadsack Ian Curtis, we've learned much about the flick. We found out that Sam Riley, likely best known for playing Mark E. Smith in 24 Hour Party People, will adopt the guise of an even bitterer coot in Control's lead role, while Samantha Morton (the goo-covered, crime fighting mandroid from Minority Report) will play Curtis' embattled wife.
We learned that Alexandra Maria Lara, who plays Curtis' mistress Annik Honoré, is smokin'. We learned that the dudes in New Order (birthed, as you're well aware, from the ashes of Joy Division) are less than jazzed about how the film in being handled. And we learned that there'll be a Control launch party at Cannes complete with a moment of silence to mark the 27th anniversary of Curtis' death.
According to a Variety report, the bash will surround the premiere of Control at Cannes on May 17, while members of New Order, Depeche Mode, and U2 (some guy called Bono) are expected to be in attendance.
Courtney Love to Auction Kurt Cobain's Belongings
Courtney Love is an easy target, though maybe unfairly. Because even though she hasn't seemed to do much justice to the memory of Kurt Cobain since his death, her life hasn't exactly been a cakewalk. Losing a spouse and raising a child alone are rough, to say the least, and Cobain worshipers aren't the most forgiving of fans.
So we'll grant her a pass for this latest Kurt-related move. In an interview with AOL music blog Spinner, Love said she plans "to have a Christie's auction" for most of the Cobain memorabilia that she possesses and "make a lot of money and give a bunch of it to charity." See, there are worse things.
Though the decision seems sudden and a little arbitrary coming 13 years after Cobain's death, Love is apparently just sick of having so many of Cobain's belongings remind her of the past. "[My house] is like a mausoleum," she said. "My daughter doesn't need to inherit a giant hefty bag full of flannel fucking shirts... A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to '[Smells Like] Teen Spirit'-- that's what my daughter gets. And the rest of it we'll just fucking sell."
The details of the auction are still forthcoming.
Love is planning the release of her second solo album, Nobody's Daughter, which draws inspiration from her highly publicized relationships with Cobain, Billy Corgan, Trent Reznor, and actor Edward Norton, according to Spinner. "I still wear his pajamas to bed," she said of Cobain. "How am I ever going to go form another relationship in my lifetime wearing Kurt's pajamas?"
28 April 2007
it's not over till it's over
L and I have made amends and she's spending her weekend with me. Hopefully the folds have been smoothed out and we can make this relationship work.
mc
mc
25 April 2007
the day after
Today is my day off. I find myself pacing around my apartment; my head is a shattered windshield.
L used to say that I should be fortunate to have her because she's the only girl crazy enough to deal with my "crazy ass." Even the most patient have their breaking point.
I don't know what happens next. I need to do laundry, but what's the point?
This entry is an incoherent and disjointed mess from an alone, broken hearted fuck-up.
When things were new and fireworks blossomed in our eyes I never thought I would be writing an entry like this. I loved L. I did. I fucked up -- a lot. I tried my best but sometimes that isn't enough.
Sundays were bittersweet: a goodbye kiss and a silent bedroom. Despite her absence my heart would twinkle and a slight smile would grace my face upon reading her three simple yet touching notes, but she's no longer "here" nor is she mine. Not anymore.
In my shower are her shampoo, conditioner and shower gel. In my bag is her book of Rimbaud's complete works. Her scent remains in my bed. Her cute little face (that sheepish smile) is like a vivid photograph haunting my mind.
Everything has been uprooted, scattered and thrown out onto the lawn. I take a knife and slice a hole the shape of a heart into my chest. Through the bloody mess I identify the culprit: my beating heart. I tear it from my torso and throw it onto the lawn. I fall to my knees and collapse face first onto the damp green earth, the place L once stood, turned around and softly said, "I love you."
mc
24 April 2007
it's over
L just broke up with me. She said I "fucked this one up," and I had no one to blame but myself. She's probably right.
When I was in elementary school my report card was green and came in a manila envelope. I was a consistent A-B honor roll student, and the teachers always check marked the box "plays well with others."
I wish I knew what happened between now and then.
mc
I'll never forget you, L. I'm a fuck-up and you tried to collect the pieces and make me believe otherwise. I'll always love you, Panda Bear.
When I was in elementary school my report card was green and came in a manila envelope. I was a consistent A-B honor roll student, and the teachers always check marked the box "plays well with others."
I wish I knew what happened between now and then.
mc
I'll never forget you, L. I'm a fuck-up and you tried to collect the pieces and make me believe otherwise. I'll always love you, Panda Bear.
21 April 2007
an exit
I was supposed to spend this weekend with L. It's 4:11 PM on Saturday and I'm home now. Last night there was an incident -- an agreement was broken; a bond of trust was cracked.
L smokes pot (as do her roommates) but I do not. I quit smoking marijuana several years ago. I had reluctantly tolerated her pot smoking over the past two months, but recently I had expressed my displeasure about her smoking habit. I don't enjoy being in the presence of those smoking pot; I feel like the designated driver at a party full of drunks. She didn't agree to quit; however, she agreed to cease smoking around me and cut back her weekly consumption.
Last night I was with L in her bedroom watching David Letterman interview Ira Glass when she exited the room and joined one of her roommates in the living room. After a few seconds I peered into the living room and saw her smoking pot with her roomie. She coughed into her arm (I'm assuming to muffle the sound and avoid arousing my suspicion). I was dumbfounded she would break our agreement practically under my nose. She returned to her bedroom, and I confronted her about what I had witnessed. I don't recall her response -- that doesn't matter. We had a mutual agreement and she broke it. Moments later, as we lay in bed, I was very upset and said I would probably leave Saturday. I awoke the following afternoon, and my feelings hadn't changed. I remained agitated and at one point she said "just fucking leave"; however, I don't believe she meant those words because she later pleaded me to stay, but the "just fucking leave" remark only added fuel to my fire and another wound on my heart. I gathered my things and left without a "goodbye."
Despite what this post might suggest L is the only girl I've ever met who I believe truly loves me. I feel so undeserving of her overwhelming kindness.
Two challenges face our relationship: distance and, now, the pot issue. We're separated by 90 minutes which means weekends are our only times to spend together; weekends are also the best time for me to write, and if I seriously wish to pursue my dream I have to commit to more writing time. Regarding the pot issue, I must confess I don't see how or why this is a problem. If one is truly committed to his or her relationship why would he or she let pot risk destroying that bond?
Tomorrow will be our four month anniversary -- wonderful timing.
mc
L smokes pot (as do her roommates) but I do not. I quit smoking marijuana several years ago. I had reluctantly tolerated her pot smoking over the past two months, but recently I had expressed my displeasure about her smoking habit. I don't enjoy being in the presence of those smoking pot; I feel like the designated driver at a party full of drunks. She didn't agree to quit; however, she agreed to cease smoking around me and cut back her weekly consumption.
Last night I was with L in her bedroom watching David Letterman interview Ira Glass when she exited the room and joined one of her roommates in the living room. After a few seconds I peered into the living room and saw her smoking pot with her roomie. She coughed into her arm (I'm assuming to muffle the sound and avoid arousing my suspicion). I was dumbfounded she would break our agreement practically under my nose. She returned to her bedroom, and I confronted her about what I had witnessed. I don't recall her response -- that doesn't matter. We had a mutual agreement and she broke it. Moments later, as we lay in bed, I was very upset and said I would probably leave Saturday. I awoke the following afternoon, and my feelings hadn't changed. I remained agitated and at one point she said "just fucking leave"; however, I don't believe she meant those words because she later pleaded me to stay, but the "just fucking leave" remark only added fuel to my fire and another wound on my heart. I gathered my things and left without a "goodbye."
Despite what this post might suggest L is the only girl I've ever met who I believe truly loves me. I feel so undeserving of her overwhelming kindness.
Two challenges face our relationship: distance and, now, the pot issue. We're separated by 90 minutes which means weekends are our only times to spend together; weekends are also the best time for me to write, and if I seriously wish to pursue my dream I have to commit to more writing time. Regarding the pot issue, I must confess I don't see how or why this is a problem. If one is truly committed to his or her relationship why would he or she let pot risk destroying that bond?
Tomorrow will be our four month anniversary -- wonderful timing.
mc
05 April 2007
sixty million light years away and countless questions about our existence
Go H E R E to see an astonishing snapshot of galaxy NGC 1672 taken by the NASA Hubble Space Telescope. The image was released on 3 April 2007 and offers an amazing high definition glimpse of a galaxy 60 million light years away. Just how far is 60 million light years? Well, one light year is 5,865,696,000,000 miles -- you do the math!
mc
"For if I try to seize this self of which I feel sure, if I try to define and to summarize it, it is nothing but water slipping through my fingers...This very heart which is mine will forever remain indefinable to me."
Albert Camus
mc
"For if I try to seize this self of which I feel sure, if I try to define and to summarize it, it is nothing but water slipping through my fingers...This very heart which is mine will forever remain indefinable to me."
Albert Camus
03 April 2007
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