Yesterday was a bad day. A crooked stranger did not cheat me. I did not receive a phone call of distress from a loved one. A vending machine did not rob me of a dollar. No, yesterday's misfortunes were a product of my mind; the perpetrator was me.
A manic mind unmanaged will topple itself, especially if said mind finds a tasty morsel of anxiety to nibble. The mind is temporarily content as it slowly devours the dollop of apprehension, but, eventually, it must find something else to satisfy its gluttonous appetite. My mind becomes fixed, or obsessed, with points of anxiety, and if the mind fails to find a spark of anxiety, it is quick to manufacture one, resulting in an absolute and overwhelming tide of fear and hopelessness. It's much easier to save one's self in the shallows, but the reality -- well, perceived reality -- of my situation doesn't strike until I am one thousand leagues under the sea and a million miles from shore. Water slowly fills my lungs. I'm sinking. Arms are flailing. I'm drowning. Why fight for survival? And, as comrades and readers of this blog know, I can't... Well, we've been here before, haven't we?
My point: it's very easy for people who "suffer" from the same illness as I to quickly fall into a hole. Our minds are masters at crafting avalanches and self-fulfilling prophecies.
Back to yesterday: I've never been a career-oriented person. I've always resisted that which milli0ns of people my age embraced years ago: a career. In many respects, I feel that surrendering -- perhaps devoting is a gentler word -- one's self to a job, a career is contrary to the human spirit. Driving the same roads to the same workplace five days a week is counter intuitive to the raw desire of human nature. But, then again, we are creatures of habit. Perhaps this is why advanced societies and cultures have developed a service or product to tickle every whim and want of the human species -- to satisfy the craving for ritual, habit, thereby dulling the desire to wander, to roam, and, to a certain degree, revolt; after all, a civilization drunk on amusement is a docile civilization (and you can quote me on that).
Several years ago I knew what I wanted. (Or so I thought.) I could practically taste my heart's wicked desire. I simply had to wait for an opening. An opportunity. "Make your death as convenient as possible," I would tell myself. Lose your job. Get arrested. Just find a scapegoat. A scapegoat for suicide.
I turned 30 last June. (Christ, I turned 30 last June!) Initially, the number that precedes 31 did not shake me; it did not alter my perspective on life, especially my life. But once 30 had time to ferment, things changed. I (finally) realized I was tired of being a fuck-up. I decided to combat my mental illnesses (don't bring a knife to a gun fight, kids). And I decided to live.
So now, at the age of 30, I want to salvage what I can. I'm not only saddened by the last 10-12 years, but sickened. A decade of my life... gone. Pissed away in pools of self-loathing and hatred. Gone. A decade... vanished.
And this is a defining moment: Will I succumb to the weight of lost time and fabricate a futile life, or will I have a come-to-Jesus moment and actually change my life now for a future of prosperity and happiness? I want the latter, but the diligence, work and focus that will be required of me is a spark of anxiety, which, as I mentioned earlier, has recently caused an avalanche of negative and self-defeating thoughts.
Is nursing for me? I can visualize a future in which I am an RN -- a Registered Nurse -- employed at some nondescript hospital or as a hospice nurse. Are these simply the ridiculous delusions of a manic mind, a mind fully capable of conjuring false desires for a personality that craves a sense of belonging?
It may seem like an absurd notion -- me as an RN -- to those who know me. Yours truly as the proverbial "male nurse." Why is it a ridiculous thought? Is it because the male nurse is, to many, a punchline? Perhaps. Is it because the profession doesn't accentuate my innate artistic abilities? Maybe. Perhaps the very concept of pursuing a legitimate career is preposterous to me. It counters nearly two decades of personal thought, the thought being I would make my living as a musician or writer of some sort.
And I would be living a dream if that were my reality. But it is not. It cannot become my reality because, ultimately, I lack the desire to pursue such a line of living. Music and writing are terrific hobbies... I love the act of creating... But... Perhaps those initial dreams were exaggerated by a manic mind; I wanted the sky but lacked the desire to build a rocket ship to chase the stars. If I wanted it enough, I would push through the discouragement and "grunt work" and achieve my heart's fancy. But sometimes, especially in the arts, wanting it isn't sufficient.
So why an RN? It's certainly a practical career path to follow. Regardless of the economy, the health profession will always be a staple to any culture, and I could find a position virtually anywhere. A nurse has anything BUT a monotonous job. As a respondent said in a Princeton Review survey, the nursing field offers one "to do a million different things, in a million different places.”
I just found myself writing from a defensive stance. Why should I defend my desire to pursue such a career? Am I trying to convince you, the reader, or myself? This issue is obviously a sensitive area... why? Am I seeking a stamp of approval? Am I concerned this may be a fascination pushed forth by some manic desire? (Yes, which is why I'm giving so much thought and time to the issue.) Or is my mind attempting to find a spark of anxiety and feast upon my insecurities?
xx
30 October 2008
24 October 2008
for mccain supporters, desperate times call for desperate measures
Police: Politically motivated attack was a hoax
Oct 24 03:06 PM US/Eastern
By Joe Mandak, Associated Press Writer
PITTSBURGH (AP) - A McCain campaign volunteer made up a story of being robbed, pinned to the ground and having the letter "B" scratched on her face in a politically inspired attack, police said Friday.
Ashley Todd, 20-year-old college student from College Station, Texas, admitted Friday that the story was false and was being charged with making a false report to police, said Maurita Bryant, the assistant chief of the police department's investigations division. Police doubted her story from the start, Bryant said.
Todd, who is white, told police she was attacked by a 6-foot-4 black man Wednesday night.
She now can't explain why she invented the story, Bryant said. Todd also told police she believes she cut the backward "B" onto her own cheek, but did not provide an explanation of how or why, Bryant said.
Todd initially told investigators she was attempting to use a bank branch ATM when the man approached her from behind, put a knife with a 4- to 5-inch blade to her throat and demanded money. She told police she handed the assailant $60 and walked away.
Todd told investigators that she suspected the man then noticed a John McCain sticker on her car, became angry and punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground and telling her "you are going to be a Barack supporter," police said.
She said he continued to punch and kick her while threatening "to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter," police said. She said he then sat on her chest, pinned her hands down with his knees and scratched a backward letter "B" into her face with a dull knife.
Todd told police she didn't seek medical attention, but instead went to a friend's apartment nearby and called police about 45 minutes later.
The Associated Press could not immediately locate Todd's family.
Bryant said somebody charged with making a false report would typically be cited and sent a summons. But because police have concerns about Todd's mental health, they are consulting with the Allegheny County District Attorney. She remained in custody and was awaiting arraignment.
Todd worked in New York for the College Republican National Committee before moving two weeks ago to Pennsylvania, where her duties included recruiting college students, the committee's executive director, Ethan Eilon, has said.
Earlier Friday, police said they had found inconsistencies in Todd's story. They gave her a lie-detector test, but wouldn't release the polygraph results. Investigators also said bank surveillance photos did not back up the woman's initial story of being attacked at an ATM.
Police interviewed Todd after she contacted police Wednesday night and again on Thursday, Bryant said. They asked her to come back Friday, ostensibly to help police put together a sketch of the man. Instead, detectives began interviewing her.
"They just started talking to her and she just opened up and said she wanted to tell the truth," Bryant said.
Bryant said it doesn't appear that anyone else put the woman up to the false report.
Police suspected all along that Todd might not be telling the truth, starting with the fact that the "B" was backward, Bryant said.
"We have robbers here in Pittsburgh, but they don't generally mutilate someone's face like that," Bryant said. "They just take the money and run."
Oct 24 03:06 PM US/Eastern
By Joe Mandak, Associated Press Writer
PITTSBURGH (AP) - A McCain campaign volunteer made up a story of being robbed, pinned to the ground and having the letter "B" scratched on her face in a politically inspired attack, police said Friday.
Ashley Todd, 20-year-old college student from College Station, Texas, admitted Friday that the story was false and was being charged with making a false report to police, said Maurita Bryant, the assistant chief of the police department's investigations division. Police doubted her story from the start, Bryant said.
Todd, who is white, told police she was attacked by a 6-foot-4 black man Wednesday night.
She now can't explain why she invented the story, Bryant said. Todd also told police she believes she cut the backward "B" onto her own cheek, but did not provide an explanation of how or why, Bryant said.
Todd initially told investigators she was attempting to use a bank branch ATM when the man approached her from behind, put a knife with a 4- to 5-inch blade to her throat and demanded money. She told police she handed the assailant $60 and walked away.
Todd told investigators that she suspected the man then noticed a John McCain sticker on her car, became angry and punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground and telling her "you are going to be a Barack supporter," police said.
She said he continued to punch and kick her while threatening "to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter," police said. She said he then sat on her chest, pinned her hands down with his knees and scratched a backward letter "B" into her face with a dull knife.
Todd told police she didn't seek medical attention, but instead went to a friend's apartment nearby and called police about 45 minutes later.
The Associated Press could not immediately locate Todd's family.
Bryant said somebody charged with making a false report would typically be cited and sent a summons. But because police have concerns about Todd's mental health, they are consulting with the Allegheny County District Attorney. She remained in custody and was awaiting arraignment.
Todd worked in New York for the College Republican National Committee before moving two weeks ago to Pennsylvania, where her duties included recruiting college students, the committee's executive director, Ethan Eilon, has said.
Earlier Friday, police said they had found inconsistencies in Todd's story. They gave her a lie-detector test, but wouldn't release the polygraph results. Investigators also said bank surveillance photos did not back up the woman's initial story of being attacked at an ATM.
Police interviewed Todd after she contacted police Wednesday night and again on Thursday, Bryant said. They asked her to come back Friday, ostensibly to help police put together a sketch of the man. Instead, detectives began interviewing her.
"They just started talking to her and she just opened up and said she wanted to tell the truth," Bryant said.
Bryant said it doesn't appear that anyone else put the woman up to the false report.
Police suspected all along that Todd might not be telling the truth, starting with the fact that the "B" was backward, Bryant said.
"We have robbers here in Pittsburgh, but they don't generally mutilate someone's face like that," Bryant said. "They just take the money and run."
23 October 2008
a witness
I'm struggling to formulate what D and I just witnessed. The Elephant 6 Holiday Surprise show concluded with Jeff Mangum singing the Neutral Milk Hotel B-side "Engine." He was flanked by fellow NMH member Julian Koster, who played the singing saw.
And, oh yeah, the song was performed a mere 3 feet from me.
Indeed. Mangum and Koster waded into the crowd and began to play. To say I, along with everyone else, was mesmerized would be a grand understatement. It was amazing. Mangum's voice carried over the audience and filled every square inch of Rhino's. I briefly thought about snapping a photo of their performance but I couldn't. It would have been disrespectful. And some things shouldn't be recorded. Sometimes, just the memory of a moment is sufficient.
Mangum waved to the audience, said thank you, and appeared to be genuinely grateful for the crowd's generosity.
As D and I left the venue, he asked me, "Did we just witness that?"
We did. And it was an unforgettable experience.
xx
And, oh yeah, the song was performed a mere 3 feet from me.
Indeed. Mangum and Koster waded into the crowd and began to play. To say I, along with everyone else, was mesmerized would be a grand understatement. It was amazing. Mangum's voice carried over the audience and filled every square inch of Rhino's. I briefly thought about snapping a photo of their performance but I couldn't. It would have been disrespectful. And some things shouldn't be recorded. Sometimes, just the memory of a moment is sufficient.
Mangum waved to the audience, said thank you, and appeared to be genuinely grateful for the crowd's generosity.
As D and I left the venue, he asked me, "Did we just witness that?"
We did. And it was an unforgettable experience.
xx
22 October 2008
live! tonight! holiday surprise delight with elephant 6!
Tonight, yours truly will be consuming some delicious tunes when the Elephant 6 Holiday Surprise Tour graces the stage at Rhino's in Bloomington. The concert was originally booked for the Cinemat, but due to overwhelming ticket sales, the show was moved to Rhino's All-Ages Club.
Why such a surge of interest in the Elephant 6 Recording Company (a loose group of musicians whose tide crested the music scene over eight years ago)? Blame indie underground cult hero Jeff Mangum. The man who brought us the Neutral Milk Hotel album -- and arguably one of the greatest albums of the 20th century -- In the Aeroplane Over the Sea has emerged from his reclusive shell and joined his Elephant 6 counterparts on stage throughout the Holiday tour. He's made appearances in New York City, Rochester, Columbus, Pittsburgh, and, most recently, last night's Chicago show at the Bottom Lounge.
I snagged two tickets (D is coming from Indy) earlier today and, if possible, will snap a few pics of tonight's festivities.
xx
Why such a surge of interest in the Elephant 6 Recording Company (a loose group of musicians whose tide crested the music scene over eight years ago)? Blame indie underground cult hero Jeff Mangum. The man who brought us the Neutral Milk Hotel album -- and arguably one of the greatest albums of the 20th century -- In the Aeroplane Over the Sea has emerged from his reclusive shell and joined his Elephant 6 counterparts on stage throughout the Holiday tour. He's made appearances in New York City, Rochester, Columbus, Pittsburgh, and, most recently, last night's Chicago show at the Bottom Lounge.
I snagged two tickets (D is coming from Indy) earlier today and, if possible, will snap a few pics of tonight's festivities.
xx
21 October 2008
she told me to 'write something'
One month ago a 34-year-old Indiana University of Bloomington student committed suicide. Even though this man was a stranger to me, his death impacted me for a variety of reasons.
First, he took his life on a stretch of railroad tracks on the IU campus -- a section of tracks I pass several times a day, four days a week as part of my bus route. Every time I pass the site of his death, everything inside me settles and the poignancy of the location strikes me.
I've wondered about his final moments as he waited for the roaring machine to bring his demise. He hears the train whistle scream. Below him, the earth rumbles and the sound is getting closer. Did he embrace his death, or did he greet it with a belly full of apprehension. How long had he planned for that September day? Whom did he leave behind?
The stranger's death also brought a familiar melody of empathy to my heart. How many times have I myself stared down that dark tunnel of apathy and hopelessness and longed for death? How many times have I been pushed to the brink of my mortality? The self-inflicted scars on my arm are a testament to the battles I've waged against myself.
Yes, I've been there, and the refrain of empathy that churns within me is one I recognize. This time, however, the strain of empathy sounds different. The chord has changed. The tone and texture have shifted. While I may be able to identify with the thoughts and feelings that can consume and possibly take an individual's life, I cannot empathize with their choice to choose death over life.
And again: I've been there; I have bloodied myself while sinking in the dismal waters of the mind's other side. I lost years -- literally a decade -- waging a war against myself, a conflict in which life was not the cherished prize. No, life was to be repudiated and death praised.
Yes, I wanted to kill myself (or so I thought).
I spent countless hours conceiving plans and schemes to kill myself. I wrote rough drafts of suicide notes (yes, I'm that neurotic). I examined my life insurance policy for a suicide clause, and, upon finding such a clause, formulated various "accidents" to end my life. I researched Heath Ledger's death to discover the cocktail of prescription and over-the-counter drugs to ensure eternal peace. I purchased a 9mm pistol to serve a sole purpose: a suicide machine. And I could continue. I could flood this post with the sad but true tales of self-loathing and desperation.
But I've spent enough time dwelling on such melancholic thoughts. Too much time, in fact.
As I stated earlier, I lost a decade of my life fighting, and nearly succumbing to, mental illness. I'm 30 years old and much of my 20s are a blur. The memories are few, and many of the things I can recall are not memorable. While this fact saddens me, it simultaneously strengthens me because now, more than ever before, I can see the causes and effects of pro-active behavior versus reactive behavior. Since I have made the conscious decision to battle my illnesses and not myself, I've been able to picture a future in which I'm a living and active participant and not a drugged hospital patient or, even worse, six feet underground.
I'm sure some people will doubt my latest "revelation." All one has to do is scour the past entries of this blog to find "new chapters" and "fresh beginnings." But this rebirth did not find its genesis in some faux spiritual awakening or self-help book. This renewal could not have been perpetrated by an outside force. Sometimes, one has to face the possibility of losing literally everything before he or she can find the strength to persevere (pardon the cliche).
Sometimes, all one needs is a spark. A source of ignition. Motivation. Hope. It may be the kiss of a crisp autumn breeze. Perhaps it's a star-laced sky at dusk. Or, as in my case, it's the presence of a past lover that time couldn't forget. I owe much of my progress to beloved L. Despite my past mistakes, she has given me another chance to be the man I'm capable of becoming, and, more important, she has given me the inspiration to fight through that which hinders and restricts me. I can state with complete conviction that my future includes both of us -- together.
What else could my future hold? I'm giving serious consideration to furthering my education and becoming a registered nurse (RN). I could earn an Associate of Science in Nursing degree in two years if I enroll in a local community college. I would then have the option of working toward a Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree (BSN) by completing an RN-to-BSN program once I take an entry-level position.
As an RN, I could work practically anywhere and enjoy a stable income in an expanding field.
I'm acutely aware of my manic personality, so before I take the RN route, I need to give this possibility careful study. Among other things, I'll need to consider the work load of balancing a 35 hour work schedule with a full-time class schedule.
This concludes tonight's post. As always, any and all comments are welcomed. (I would like to hear from the German girl and how she is enjoying the East coast, family life, etc. Leave a comment or e-mail me.)
xx
First, he took his life on a stretch of railroad tracks on the IU campus -- a section of tracks I pass several times a day, four days a week as part of my bus route. Every time I pass the site of his death, everything inside me settles and the poignancy of the location strikes me.
I've wondered about his final moments as he waited for the roaring machine to bring his demise. He hears the train whistle scream. Below him, the earth rumbles and the sound is getting closer. Did he embrace his death, or did he greet it with a belly full of apprehension. How long had he planned for that September day? Whom did he leave behind?
The stranger's death also brought a familiar melody of empathy to my heart. How many times have I myself stared down that dark tunnel of apathy and hopelessness and longed for death? How many times have I been pushed to the brink of my mortality? The self-inflicted scars on my arm are a testament to the battles I've waged against myself.
Yes, I've been there, and the refrain of empathy that churns within me is one I recognize. This time, however, the strain of empathy sounds different. The chord has changed. The tone and texture have shifted. While I may be able to identify with the thoughts and feelings that can consume and possibly take an individual's life, I cannot empathize with their choice to choose death over life.
And again: I've been there; I have bloodied myself while sinking in the dismal waters of the mind's other side. I lost years -- literally a decade -- waging a war against myself, a conflict in which life was not the cherished prize. No, life was to be repudiated and death praised.
Yes, I wanted to kill myself (or so I thought).
I spent countless hours conceiving plans and schemes to kill myself. I wrote rough drafts of suicide notes (yes, I'm that neurotic). I examined my life insurance policy for a suicide clause, and, upon finding such a clause, formulated various "accidents" to end my life. I researched Heath Ledger's death to discover the cocktail of prescription and over-the-counter drugs to ensure eternal peace. I purchased a 9mm pistol to serve a sole purpose: a suicide machine. And I could continue. I could flood this post with the sad but true tales of self-loathing and desperation.
But I've spent enough time dwelling on such melancholic thoughts. Too much time, in fact.
As I stated earlier, I lost a decade of my life fighting, and nearly succumbing to, mental illness. I'm 30 years old and much of my 20s are a blur. The memories are few, and many of the things I can recall are not memorable. While this fact saddens me, it simultaneously strengthens me because now, more than ever before, I can see the causes and effects of pro-active behavior versus reactive behavior. Since I have made the conscious decision to battle my illnesses and not myself, I've been able to picture a future in which I'm a living and active participant and not a drugged hospital patient or, even worse, six feet underground.
I'm sure some people will doubt my latest "revelation." All one has to do is scour the past entries of this blog to find "new chapters" and "fresh beginnings." But this rebirth did not find its genesis in some faux spiritual awakening or self-help book. This renewal could not have been perpetrated by an outside force. Sometimes, one has to face the possibility of losing literally everything before he or she can find the strength to persevere (pardon the cliche).
Sometimes, all one needs is a spark. A source of ignition. Motivation. Hope. It may be the kiss of a crisp autumn breeze. Perhaps it's a star-laced sky at dusk. Or, as in my case, it's the presence of a past lover that time couldn't forget. I owe much of my progress to beloved L. Despite my past mistakes, she has given me another chance to be the man I'm capable of becoming, and, more important, she has given me the inspiration to fight through that which hinders and restricts me. I can state with complete conviction that my future includes both of us -- together.
What else could my future hold? I'm giving serious consideration to furthering my education and becoming a registered nurse (RN). I could earn an Associate of Science in Nursing degree in two years if I enroll in a local community college. I would then have the option of working toward a Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree (BSN) by completing an RN-to-BSN program once I take an entry-level position.
As an RN, I could work practically anywhere and enjoy a stable income in an expanding field.
I'm acutely aware of my manic personality, so before I take the RN route, I need to give this possibility careful study. Among other things, I'll need to consider the work load of balancing a 35 hour work schedule with a full-time class schedule.
This concludes tonight's post. As always, any and all comments are welcomed. (I would like to hear from the German girl and how she is enjoying the East coast, family life, etc. Leave a comment or e-mail me.)
xx
16 October 2008
yeah, vote for this guy
I don't know which is worse: the corpse spouting lies and hot air, or the cheap, piano-laced music. (And yes, I'm in a foul mood!)
15 October 2008
three and out
The third and final Presidential debate of 2008 is over. According to the various post-debate discussions on TV and on-line, McCain saved his best for last. I don't know. Barack certainly played it safe -- and rightfully so. According to every national poll, Obama leads McCain by a respectable margin. There was no reason to bloody his fists.
Regardless, I eagerly await the end of McCain's campaign. Tonight I saw every reason to despise the Senator from Arizona. He's an arrogant, condescending, pompous, sniveling old man. And he is NOT the man this country -- a country facing an unprecedented economic crisis on a global scale (literally) -- needs.
xx
Regardless, I eagerly await the end of McCain's campaign. Tonight I saw every reason to despise the Senator from Arizona. He's an arrogant, condescending, pompous, sniveling old man. And he is NOT the man this country -- a country facing an unprecedented economic crisis on a global scale (literally) -- needs.
xx
09 October 2008
can't stop the bleeding
One Day After Interest Rates Were Slashed Across the Globe, Dow Sheds Another 670 Points
By Jeff Cox, CNBC.com
Another washout overtook Wall Street Thursday, sending major averages down as much as 7 percent as traders bailed out of the credit-battered stock market.
The market's afternoon selloff sent the Dow below 9,000 for the first time in five years, as unshakeable fears from the credit freeze combined with the expiration of short-selling rules to beat down stocks for the seventh straight day.
Selling grew downright feverish in the final hour as exasperated traders described an air of hopelessness and questions circled over what the market's capitulation selloff point might be.
"This is a disaster, I can't put it any other way. You would think capitulation would have been the 1,300-point loss in the first three days this week," said Dave Rovelli, managing director of US equity trading at Boston-based Canaccord Adams. "No one wants to own stocks. ... It's just constant negative energy."
With no end to selling in sight, there were more calls for action by policymakers.
"We need to get some traction at some point in time here to get some sort of rally," BlackRock Vice Chairman Bob Doll said on CNBC. "We've been in this freefall zone, and the Fed's going to have to get bigger, bolder and in front of things I'm afraid."
Responding to an on-air question, Doll agreed the stock market had crashed.
FULL STORY
General Motors Shares Fall to Lowest Level Since 1950
DETROIT (Reuters) - General Motors Corp shares fell as much as 21.6 percent to their lowest level since 1950 on Thursday amid financial market turmoil and the car maker's report of European sales declines through the first nine months of 2008.
GM, whose shares fell as low as $5.42 on the New York Stock Exchange, blamed the credit crisis and inflation for hurting consumer confidence in Europe, where its sales have declined 1.9 percent in 2008 through September.
GM, the largest U.S.-based automaker, posted a $15.5 billion net loss in the second quarter and announced plans in July to cut costs by about $10 billion. The company has been restructuring in North America to meet increasing demand for more fuel-efficient vehicles.
An investment banker who declined to be identified attributed the share decline to elimination of short-selling restrictions on the shares that had put the equity value out of balance with bond and credit-default swaps values.
"It all has to rebalance now," the banker said.
The stock decline comes as influential industry forecasters J.D. Power and Associates and Global Insight lower auto sector expectations for 2008 and predict a slow recovery.
"While the global automotive industry is clearly experiencing a slowdown in 2008, the global market in 2009 may experience an outright collapse," said Jeff Schuster, J.D. Power's executive director of automotive forecasting, in a statement.
J.D. Power cut its 2008 U.S. light vehicle sales forecast to 13.6 million units and said it expects sales to fall to 13.2 million units in 2009. Global Insight on Wednesday cut its 2008 U.S. auto sales outlook and warned that a recovery toward more normal levels may not occur until 2013.
Citigroup also cut GM and Ford Motor Co to "sell" ratings on Wednesday.
Ford shares fell 20 cents, or 7.5 percent, to $2.46 on Thursday. Ford stock had reached its lowest level in a quarter century on Wednesday, falling as low as $2.10.
GM shares were off $1.01, or 14.6 percent, at $5.90.
(Reporting by David Bailey and Soyoung Kim in Detroit and Jui Chakravorty Das and Euan Rocha in New York; Editing by Brian Moss)
By Jeff Cox, CNBC.com
Another washout overtook Wall Street Thursday, sending major averages down as much as 7 percent as traders bailed out of the credit-battered stock market.
The market's afternoon selloff sent the Dow below 9,000 for the first time in five years, as unshakeable fears from the credit freeze combined with the expiration of short-selling rules to beat down stocks for the seventh straight day.
Selling grew downright feverish in the final hour as exasperated traders described an air of hopelessness and questions circled over what the market's capitulation selloff point might be.
"This is a disaster, I can't put it any other way. You would think capitulation would have been the 1,300-point loss in the first three days this week," said Dave Rovelli, managing director of US equity trading at Boston-based Canaccord Adams. "No one wants to own stocks. ... It's just constant negative energy."
With no end to selling in sight, there were more calls for action by policymakers.
"We need to get some traction at some point in time here to get some sort of rally," BlackRock Vice Chairman Bob Doll said on CNBC. "We've been in this freefall zone, and the Fed's going to have to get bigger, bolder and in front of things I'm afraid."
Responding to an on-air question, Doll agreed the stock market had crashed.
FULL STORY
General Motors Shares Fall to Lowest Level Since 1950
DETROIT (Reuters) - General Motors Corp shares fell as much as 21.6 percent to their lowest level since 1950 on Thursday amid financial market turmoil and the car maker's report of European sales declines through the first nine months of 2008.
GM, whose shares fell as low as $5.42 on the New York Stock Exchange, blamed the credit crisis and inflation for hurting consumer confidence in Europe, where its sales have declined 1.9 percent in 2008 through September.
GM, the largest U.S.-based automaker, posted a $15.5 billion net loss in the second quarter and announced plans in July to cut costs by about $10 billion. The company has been restructuring in North America to meet increasing demand for more fuel-efficient vehicles.
An investment banker who declined to be identified attributed the share decline to elimination of short-selling restrictions on the shares that had put the equity value out of balance with bond and credit-default swaps values.
"It all has to rebalance now," the banker said.
The stock decline comes as influential industry forecasters J.D. Power and Associates and Global Insight lower auto sector expectations for 2008 and predict a slow recovery.
"While the global automotive industry is clearly experiencing a slowdown in 2008, the global market in 2009 may experience an outright collapse," said Jeff Schuster, J.D. Power's executive director of automotive forecasting, in a statement.
J.D. Power cut its 2008 U.S. light vehicle sales forecast to 13.6 million units and said it expects sales to fall to 13.2 million units in 2009. Global Insight on Wednesday cut its 2008 U.S. auto sales outlook and warned that a recovery toward more normal levels may not occur until 2013.
Citigroup also cut GM and Ford Motor Co to "sell" ratings on Wednesday.
Ford shares fell 20 cents, or 7.5 percent, to $2.46 on Thursday. Ford stock had reached its lowest level in a quarter century on Wednesday, falling as low as $2.10.
GM shares were off $1.01, or 14.6 percent, at $5.90.
(Reporting by David Bailey and Soyoung Kim in Detroit and Jui Chakravorty Das and Euan Rocha in New York; Editing by Brian Moss)
07 October 2008
round two
Just a few words regarding tonight's second Presidential debate...
- McCain gave a solid performance. He clearly knows his campaign is in trouble... wasn't afraid to attack Obama and be the aggressor.
- Obama was firm, unshakable, certainly more presidential. He's obviously the stronger candidate... McCain's barbs rolled off Barack's back.
- Just overheard some of MSNBC's Rachel Maddow's analysis. "McCain was looking for a fight, Obama wasn't." Well said.
- McCain needed this debate to be a game-changer -- it wasn't. Expect McCain/Palin to fill the following weeks with more ridiculous attacks on Obama. They can't win on the issues, this is clear. But, unfortunately for the GOP, the American people don't want to hear a political candidate -- especially a Presidential candidate -- level incendiary attacks on his or her opponent when this country -- and the rest of the world, for that matter -- is staring down the long barrel of a potentially terrifying economic crisis.
06 October 2008
debate deconstruction, part II: taxes
According to analysis by the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, Barack Obama and John McCain are both proposing tax plans that would result in cuts for many American families. Obama's plan gives the biggest cuts to those who make the least, while McCain would give the largest cuts to the very wealthy.
The following table, created by the Washington Post, presents each tax plan in a clear and concise manner, without the political rhetoric.
(What you won't find in this table is McCain's tax hike on anyone who receives health benefits from his or her employer. Scroll down for more info... )
McCain's $5000 Refundable Tax Credit Masks Tax on Health Benefits
(The following analysis was taken from the nonpartisan FactCheck.org. If McCain's deceptive "tax credit" were to pass, he would be the first President in US history to tax health benefits.)
McCain has stated he will "give every American family a $5,000 refundable tax credit" to buy health insurance.
Sounds good. But McCain failed to mention how existing employer-sponsored health benefits would be affected.
The aim of the McCain plan is to reduce health care costs through increased competition, by encouraging individuals to shop around for health insurance and medical care. There are many who favor such an approach, and we take no position on it one way or the other. But McCain's simplistic claim misleads voters by promising to give "every American family" a $5,000 benefit while failing to mention what he would also take away.
The following table, created by the Washington Post, presents each tax plan in a clear and concise manner, without the political rhetoric.
(What you won't find in this table is McCain's tax hike on anyone who receives health benefits from his or her employer. Scroll down for more info... )
McCain's $5000 Refundable Tax Credit Masks Tax on Health Benefits
(The following analysis was taken from the nonpartisan FactCheck.org. If McCain's deceptive "tax credit" were to pass, he would be the first President in US history to tax health benefits.)
McCain has stated he will "give every American family a $5,000 refundable tax credit" to buy health insurance.
Sounds good. But McCain failed to mention how existing employer-sponsored health benefits would be affected.
- Workers would be taxed on the value of any employer-paid health benefits, partially offsetting the $5,000 credit for those now covered by such plans.
- Experts say a tax credit plan like this would likely cause companies to reduce or eliminate health benefits for their employees.
The aim of the McCain plan is to reduce health care costs through increased competition, by encouraging individuals to shop around for health insurance and medical care. There are many who favor such an approach, and we take no position on it one way or the other. But McCain's simplistic claim misleads voters by promising to give "every American family" a $5,000 benefit while failing to mention what he would also take away.
04 October 2008
if you can't beat 'em, assassinate their character
Thirty-one Days Until Election Day; Palin the Pitbull Claims Obama is 'Palling Around with Terrorists'
As the 2008 Presidential election enters its final stretch, the fading McCain/Palin ticket is preparing a blitz of negativity. "Sarah, the gloves are off, the heels are on, go get to them," an aide reportedly advised Palin.
Campaigning in Colorado on Saturday, Palin claimed that Obama "sees America... as being so imperfect... that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country." The "terrorist" is Bill Ayers, who was one of the founders of the '60s extremist group the Weather Underground and several years ago served on a charity board with Obama. It should be noted that Obama, who was just a child during the Underground's existence, has repeatedly denounced Ayers' radical views and activities.
Full story is HERE.
As the 2008 Presidential election enters its final stretch, the fading McCain/Palin ticket is preparing a blitz of negativity. "Sarah, the gloves are off, the heels are on, go get to them," an aide reportedly advised Palin.
Campaigning in Colorado on Saturday, Palin claimed that Obama "sees America... as being so imperfect... that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country." The "terrorist" is Bill Ayers, who was one of the founders of the '60s extremist group the Weather Underground and several years ago served on a charity board with Obama. It should be noted that Obama, who was just a child during the Underground's existence, has repeatedly denounced Ayers' radical views and activities.
Full story is HERE.
karma's a bitch
Thirteen Years to the Day After Being Aquitted of Murder, OJ Convicted of Armed Robbery, Kidnapping
Faces minimum of 15 years behind bars; sentencing on 05 December 2008
From Paul Vercammen
CNN Senior Producer
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (CNN) -- Former gridiron great O.J. Simpson was found guilty Friday of all 12 counts in the armed robbery of two sports memorabilia dealers at a Las Vegas, Nevada, casino hotel last year.
Simpson, 61, and his co-defendant Clarence "C.J." Stewart, 54, were charged with a dozen offenses stemming from the sports memorabilia heist. Stewart was found guilty of the same charges as Simpson.
Simpson sat quietly and showed little emotion at the defense table as courtroom clerk Sandra Jeter read the verdicts.
After the verdicts were read, deputies immediately handcuffed Simpson and led him out of the courtroom.
Simpson and Stewart could spend the rest of their lives in prison for these convictions. Clark County District Judge Jackie Glass set sentencing for December 5. Watch O.J.
Simpson arrived at the Clark County Justice Center at around 10:50 p.m. (1:50 a.m. Saturday ET). Simpson told CNN's Ted Rowlands on the phone before the verdict was read that he was "apprehensive."
The jury of nine men and three women, none of them African-American, reached its verdict after 13 hours of deliberations Friday. Jurors heard from 22 witnesses over 12 days of testimony. Chief among the witnesses were seven of the nine people inside Room 1203 of the Palace Station Hotel and Casino for the September 13, 2007, confrontation.
The evidence included testimony from the two dealers, four co-defendants who cut plea deals and cooperated with prosecutors, and hours of often-profane, crackling, secretly recorded audiotapes.
Prosecutors alleged that the men, led by Simpson, burst into the room, flashed a gun and threatened memorabilia dealers Bruce Fromong and Al Beardsley.
The men then filled two pillowcases with Simpson trinkets, signed Pete Rose baseballs and Joe Montana lithographs. Simpson's defense attorneys maintained their client was merely trying to retrieve personal photographs and other mementos that belonged to him.
Neither Simpson nor Stewart testified during the trial. Instead, their attorneys savaged the motives of the other witnesses.
Simpson's lawyer, Yale Galanter, said Simpson was a target of investigators from the very beginning. The case "has taken on a life of its own because of Mr. Simpson's involvement," he added.
"Every cooperator, every person who had a gun, every person who had an ulterior motive, every person who signed a book deal, every person who got paid money, the police, the district attorney's office is only interested in one thing: Mr. Simpson," Galanter said.
Stewart was characterized by his lawyer, E. Brent Bryson, as the trial's forgotten player.
The most compelling evidence for all sides came from the audiotapes.
For the prosecution, conversations taped by collectibles middleman Thomas Riccio took jurors from the poolside planning to the profanity-laced hotel room confrontation.
Riccio, a chatty sports memorabilia dealer and convicted felon, made the rounds on network news shows immediately after the hotel room fracas. He admitted on the stand that various media outlets paid him $210,000.
The crucial evidence for the defense came from two audiotapes, a voicemail from a key prosecution witness who seemed willing to tailor his testimony for a price and tapes of Las Vegas police officers laughing and joking about Simpson's Los Angeles acquittal following his arrest.
Galanter told jurors the surreptitious recording captured police investigators in the hotel room after the confrontation. "They're making jokes. They're saying things like, 'We're gonna get him,"' he said.
Police were called to the hotel around 8 p.m. on September 13, 2007. Shortly after midnight, detectives visited Simpson at his hotel. He told them he was just trying to recover property that had been stolen from him.
"Why are they not in trouble?" Simpson asked about memorabilia dealers Beardsley and Fromong, according to police reports filed in the case. Both men testified for the prosecution, although Beardsley said Simpson did nothing wrong and was "set up" by the "rat Riccio."
Riccio, who was not charged in the case, testified that he didn't think twice about recording Simpson when asked for help retrieving what Simpson claimed was his property.
All four of the former co-defendants testified for the prosecution. Two of them tied Simpson to guns and threats.
Michael McClinton testified that Simpson instructed him to bring a gun and "look menacing" before they entered the hotel room.
Simpson has told police he had no idea the people with him were armed.
The testimony was laced with innuendo about unsavory activities by several of the witnesses, many with criminal records. Riccio and Beardsley feuded openly, calling each other names and questioning each other's sanity.
Aware that loose cannons on the stand could blow the case into mistrial purgatory, Glass refused to let David Cook testify. Cook, an attorney for the family of Ronald Lyle Goldman, searches for Simpson assets to satisfy the $33.5 million civil judgment against the former NFL star.
Simpson was acquitted of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Goldman in a trial that ended 13 years to the day before the Las Vegas jury began its deliberations.
Regarding Glass' ruling, Cook told CNN: "If you read between the lines, I think she thought my appearance would bring up the Ghost of Christmas Past."
The case featured 19 male witnesses and just three cameo appearances from women. Swagger and testosterone ran rampant with hard stares from the witness stand.
As testimony neared its end, Glass, a former television news reporter, vented her frustration with the quibbling lawyers.
"I'm trying to get this trial back on track," she snapped. "I am surprised you haven't seen my head spin and fire come out of my mouth at this point in this trial."
CNN's Ted Rowlands contributed to this report.
Faces minimum of 15 years behind bars; sentencing on 05 December 2008
From Paul Vercammen
CNN Senior Producer
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (CNN) -- Former gridiron great O.J. Simpson was found guilty Friday of all 12 counts in the armed robbery of two sports memorabilia dealers at a Las Vegas, Nevada, casino hotel last year.
Simpson, 61, and his co-defendant Clarence "C.J." Stewart, 54, were charged with a dozen offenses stemming from the sports memorabilia heist. Stewart was found guilty of the same charges as Simpson.
Simpson sat quietly and showed little emotion at the defense table as courtroom clerk Sandra Jeter read the verdicts.
After the verdicts were read, deputies immediately handcuffed Simpson and led him out of the courtroom.
Simpson and Stewart could spend the rest of their lives in prison for these convictions. Clark County District Judge Jackie Glass set sentencing for December 5. Watch O.J.
Simpson arrived at the Clark County Justice Center at around 10:50 p.m. (1:50 a.m. Saturday ET). Simpson told CNN's Ted Rowlands on the phone before the verdict was read that he was "apprehensive."
The jury of nine men and three women, none of them African-American, reached its verdict after 13 hours of deliberations Friday. Jurors heard from 22 witnesses over 12 days of testimony. Chief among the witnesses were seven of the nine people inside Room 1203 of the Palace Station Hotel and Casino for the September 13, 2007, confrontation.
The evidence included testimony from the two dealers, four co-defendants who cut plea deals and cooperated with prosecutors, and hours of often-profane, crackling, secretly recorded audiotapes.
Prosecutors alleged that the men, led by Simpson, burst into the room, flashed a gun and threatened memorabilia dealers Bruce Fromong and Al Beardsley.
The men then filled two pillowcases with Simpson trinkets, signed Pete Rose baseballs and Joe Montana lithographs. Simpson's defense attorneys maintained their client was merely trying to retrieve personal photographs and other mementos that belonged to him.
Neither Simpson nor Stewart testified during the trial. Instead, their attorneys savaged the motives of the other witnesses.
Simpson's lawyer, Yale Galanter, said Simpson was a target of investigators from the very beginning. The case "has taken on a life of its own because of Mr. Simpson's involvement," he added.
"Every cooperator, every person who had a gun, every person who had an ulterior motive, every person who signed a book deal, every person who got paid money, the police, the district attorney's office is only interested in one thing: Mr. Simpson," Galanter said.
Stewart was characterized by his lawyer, E. Brent Bryson, as the trial's forgotten player.
The most compelling evidence for all sides came from the audiotapes.
For the prosecution, conversations taped by collectibles middleman Thomas Riccio took jurors from the poolside planning to the profanity-laced hotel room confrontation.
Riccio, a chatty sports memorabilia dealer and convicted felon, made the rounds on network news shows immediately after the hotel room fracas. He admitted on the stand that various media outlets paid him $210,000.
The crucial evidence for the defense came from two audiotapes, a voicemail from a key prosecution witness who seemed willing to tailor his testimony for a price and tapes of Las Vegas police officers laughing and joking about Simpson's Los Angeles acquittal following his arrest.
Galanter told jurors the surreptitious recording captured police investigators in the hotel room after the confrontation. "They're making jokes. They're saying things like, 'We're gonna get him,"' he said.
Police were called to the hotel around 8 p.m. on September 13, 2007. Shortly after midnight, detectives visited Simpson at his hotel. He told them he was just trying to recover property that had been stolen from him.
"Why are they not in trouble?" Simpson asked about memorabilia dealers Beardsley and Fromong, according to police reports filed in the case. Both men testified for the prosecution, although Beardsley said Simpson did nothing wrong and was "set up" by the "rat Riccio."
Riccio, who was not charged in the case, testified that he didn't think twice about recording Simpson when asked for help retrieving what Simpson claimed was his property.
All four of the former co-defendants testified for the prosecution. Two of them tied Simpson to guns and threats.
Michael McClinton testified that Simpson instructed him to bring a gun and "look menacing" before they entered the hotel room.
Simpson has told police he had no idea the people with him were armed.
The testimony was laced with innuendo about unsavory activities by several of the witnesses, many with criminal records. Riccio and Beardsley feuded openly, calling each other names and questioning each other's sanity.
Aware that loose cannons on the stand could blow the case into mistrial purgatory, Glass refused to let David Cook testify. Cook, an attorney for the family of Ronald Lyle Goldman, searches for Simpson assets to satisfy the $33.5 million civil judgment against the former NFL star.
Simpson was acquitted of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Goldman in a trial that ended 13 years to the day before the Las Vegas jury began its deliberations.
Regarding Glass' ruling, Cook told CNN: "If you read between the lines, I think she thought my appearance would bring up the Ghost of Christmas Past."
The case featured 19 male witnesses and just three cameo appearances from women. Swagger and testosterone ran rampant with hard stares from the witness stand.
As testimony neared its end, Glass, a former television news reporter, vented her frustration with the quibbling lawyers.
"I'm trying to get this trial back on track," she snapped. "I am surprised you haven't seen my head spin and fire come out of my mouth at this point in this trial."
CNN's Ted Rowlands contributed to this report.
03 October 2008
debate deconstruction, part I: the crisis
The Crisis
Last night, Sarah Palin criticized the role of predatory lenders in contributing to the root causes of the current financial crisis, but failed to mention John McCain’s years of opposition to legislative efforts to curb predatory lending practices.
-- In 2005, McCain voted against an amendment prohibiting law-breaking high-cost predatory mortgage lenders from collecting funds from homeowners who are forced into bankruptcy court.
-- In 2007, McCain failed to vote on passage of a bill that would overhaul the mortgage lending practices of the Federal Housing Administration (FHA). The bill would reduce the required minimum down payment for an FHA-insured loan and simplify its calculation, requiring a flat 1.5 percent of the appraised value of the home.
-- In 2003, McCain failed to add his name to the Predatory Lending Consumer Protection Act, which was intended to “protect consumers against predatory practices.” The bill, which was endorsed by a host of civil rights and housing advocates, including the U.S. Conference of Mayors, ACORN, and the Consumer Federation of America.
-- Less than four months ago, McCain failed to sign on to the Truth in Lending Act. Among other measures, it was designed to “establish new lending standards to ensure that loans are affordable and fair,” thereby offering protection to consumers taking out home mortgage loans. McCain also refused to co-sponsor this legislation in the 107th Congress as well.
(Contrary to what you may have heard from the talking heads, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were NOT perpetrators of the subprime mortgage/credit crisis. Of the $1.5 trillion in toxic subprime mortgages, practically none of them were backed by Fannie or Freddie.)
Additionally, Nobel Prize-winning economist Joseph Stiglitz stated that the deregulation of Wall Street "was core to the problem that we're facing now." The centerpiece of this deregulation, which reduced decades-old regulations separating banking, insurance and brokerage activities, was spearheaded in 1999 by McCain pal and former Texas Senator Phil Gramm. Gramm, McCain's former economic adviser, left the campaign in July (although many political insiders insist he remains close to the campaign) when he asserted that the country "had become a nation of whiners" in a "mental recession."
And if that isn't enough, boys and girls, McCain would like to deregulate the health insurance market just "as [the government] has done over the last decade in banking."
Frightening.
xx
Last night, Sarah Palin criticized the role of predatory lenders in contributing to the root causes of the current financial crisis, but failed to mention John McCain’s years of opposition to legislative efforts to curb predatory lending practices.
-- In 2005, McCain voted against an amendment prohibiting law-breaking high-cost predatory mortgage lenders from collecting funds from homeowners who are forced into bankruptcy court.
-- In 2007, McCain failed to vote on passage of a bill that would overhaul the mortgage lending practices of the Federal Housing Administration (FHA). The bill would reduce the required minimum down payment for an FHA-insured loan and simplify its calculation, requiring a flat 1.5 percent of the appraised value of the home.
-- In 2003, McCain failed to add his name to the Predatory Lending Consumer Protection Act, which was intended to “protect consumers against predatory practices.” The bill, which was endorsed by a host of civil rights and housing advocates, including the U.S. Conference of Mayors, ACORN, and the Consumer Federation of America.
-- Less than four months ago, McCain failed to sign on to the Truth in Lending Act. Among other measures, it was designed to “establish new lending standards to ensure that loans are affordable and fair,” thereby offering protection to consumers taking out home mortgage loans. McCain also refused to co-sponsor this legislation in the 107th Congress as well.
(Contrary to what you may have heard from the talking heads, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were NOT perpetrators of the subprime mortgage/credit crisis. Of the $1.5 trillion in toxic subprime mortgages, practically none of them were backed by Fannie or Freddie.)
Additionally, Nobel Prize-winning economist Joseph Stiglitz stated that the deregulation of Wall Street "was core to the problem that we're facing now." The centerpiece of this deregulation, which reduced decades-old regulations separating banking, insurance and brokerage activities, was spearheaded in 1999 by McCain pal and former Texas Senator Phil Gramm. Gramm, McCain's former economic adviser, left the campaign in July (although many political insiders insist he remains close to the campaign) when he asserted that the country "had become a nation of whiners" in a "mental recession."
And if that isn't enough, boys and girls, McCain would like to deregulate the health insurance market just "as [the government] has done over the last decade in banking."
Frightening.
xx
02 October 2008
it's all over now, baby blue
"You can't polish a turd."
Indeed. But despite this tried and true cliche, Sarah Palin attempted to do just that during Thursday night's one and only vice-presidential debate of 2008. The "outsider" tried to dress the failed policies of the Bush administration -- oops, I mean the McCain campaign -- as "change." Change? How much change can the American people expect from a man who has voted with the President (a President who has the highest disapproval rating since 1938) over 90% of the time?
Stay tuned, kids. I'm working on a special Friday night blog post regarding tonight's debate. Indeed. And unlike Palin, I'll have numbers and facts which will clearly support my stance -- and why you should cast your vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden on 04 November 2008!
(If you are NOT registered to vote, you have FOUR days left to do so! Visit this site for more info!)
xx
Indeed. But despite this tried and true cliche, Sarah Palin attempted to do just that during Thursday night's one and only vice-presidential debate of 2008. The "outsider" tried to dress the failed policies of the Bush administration -- oops, I mean the McCain campaign -- as "change." Change? How much change can the American people expect from a man who has voted with the President (a President who has the highest disapproval rating since 1938) over 90% of the time?
Stay tuned, kids. I'm working on a special Friday night blog post regarding tonight's debate. Indeed. And unlike Palin, I'll have numbers and facts which will clearly support my stance -- and why you should cast your vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden on 04 November 2008!
(If you are NOT registered to vote, you have FOUR days left to do so! Visit this site for more info!)
xx
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