30 August 2008

maybe this time

You have watched this movie countless times. You've memorized the dialogue and the actors' actions. You know how the story ends, but every time you view this film you lock your eyes shut and wish for a different outcome.

This is the magic of the movies: for 90 minutes you can forget yourself. Become something else. Lose yourself in some foreign world of Technicolor and beauty, a world in which good always triumphs over evil. This is your own personal Oz.

So just lose

Yourself.

You lock your eyes shut and wish for a different outcome. Maybe this time, you tell yourself, things will be different.

But no.

The hero must always pay a fatal price for saving the day. The hero has to sacrifice his life to rescue the damsel in distress.

And you know what happens next.

Under the glow of flashbulbs and news cameras, the police apprehend the villain. And a few blocks away, hidden from the hoopla in a darkened alley, he is there. The dying hero. She cradles his mortally wounded body. Her tears swell from the corners of her eyes. They glisten in the pale light. And he struggles to speak.

And you know the words that will crawl from his lips.

"Please, Marie, don't cry. I... I knew I had to be willing... willing to die to save... to save... you. Sometimes a price must be paid... for love. Don't worry... don't worry about me. I'm going to die a happy man because... because I know you will go on... start a family... and be happy. My only regret is that... I... I won't be there... with you. Always remember, Marie, that... I... love... you."

A final breath.

Her fragile body collapses while cries fly from her mouth.

And you. You've watched this movie countless times, and every time you relive the tale you close your eyes and hope for a different ending.

Maybe this time, you tell yourself, the hero will get the girl and live to see another day. Maybe this time... things will be different.

xx

28 August 2008

historic

The times are too serious, the stakes are too high for this same partisan playbook. So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America – they have served the United States of America.

So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.
Barack Obama (28 August 2008 at the Democratic National Convention)


Barack Obama Hits McCain, Sets Tone for Campaign with Historic Speech

BY MICHAEL McAULIFF, MICHAEL SAUL and DAVID SALTONSTALL
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER


DENVER - Barack Obama claimed his spot in history as the first African-American standard bearer of a major party Thursday night, rallying Democrats with his sharpest-ever assault on Republican leadership.

"Sen. McCain likes to talk about judgement, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush was right more than 90% of the time?" he said of the Republican nominee-to-be.

"I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to take a 10% chance on change," Obama said in his prime-time speech.

Before a raucous, flag-waving crowd in Denver's 75,000-seat Invesco Field, Obama crafted a message that was both more personal and more pointed as he kicked off his fall campaign.

With Republicans suggesting his improbable run has been long on hype and short on specifics, the Illinois senator used the opportunity of a massive audience - both in the stands and on television - to forcefully lay out the choice ahead.

"Change means a tax code that doesn't reward the lobbyists who wrote it, but the American workers and small businesses who deserve it," he said.

"Unlike John McCain, I will stop giving tax breaks to corporations that ship our jobs overseas, and I will start giving them to companies that create good jobs right here in America.

"I will cut taxes - cut taxes - for 95% of all working families. Because in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle class."

Forty-five years after the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech, an electrified throng was on hand to be part of history - to see and hear the man who could be the first black President, and to be part of the largest crowd to witness a convention acceptance speech.

"Obviously it's a very proud moment for me to see this happen," said City Councilman Bill Perkins (D-Harlem), an early Obama supporter. "If I wasn't so macho, I'd probably break down and cry a little bit."

Before his big moment, the Illinois senator found time to shoot some hoops at a local basketball court.

Adding a touch of celebrity to the convention's final night, the singer will.i.am led the diverse crowd - young and old, black and white - in a rousing version of "Yes We Can," a campaign theme the singer transformed into a song.

Academy Award-winner Jennifer Hudson kicked the celebration off with a thunderous version of the national anthem.

The stakes Thursday night could not be much higher for the 47-year-old Obama, who - despite a campaign marked by huge crowds, record fund-raising and scores of new voters - remains essentially tied in most polls with McCain.

The GOP has cast Obama as too young, too inexperienced and too liberal to lead the country, especially at a time of war and international unrest.

Obama forcefully contrasted the Democrats' handling of foreign affairs over time to the Republican's stewardship of the last eight years.

"We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don't tell me that Democrats won't defend this country," Obama said. "The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans - Democrats and Republicans - have built, and we are to restore that legacy."

An American story

The son of a black Kenyan father and a white mom from Kansas, reared in Hawaii and educated in the Ivy League, Obama's biography is unquestionably unique among anyone who has ever run for the White House.

It's a humble story, Obama suggested, that could only be written in America and had left him with a deep appreciation of the nation's enduring values.

"It is that promise that has always set this country apart - that through hard work and sacrifice, each of us can pursue our individual dreams but still come together as one American family, to ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams as well," he said.

Obama accepted his party's nod on a day that few might have imagined back in 1963, when King dreamed of a nation where his children "will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Obama - whom many see as the realization of that dream - made note of King's speech and another historic marker that he says shows the government's lingering indifference to blacks: today's third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.

The disaster struck many of New Orleans' black residents particularly hard and has become symbolic, many believe, of Republican indifference toward minorities.

The speech marks the capstone of a week when Team Obama ceded much of the spotlight to his one-time primary rival, Sen. Hillary Clinton, and her husband, former President Bill Clinton.

Critics have mockingly called it "the Clinton convention." But Obama insiders said Thursday they had long viewed the convention as their last best chance to unify the Democratic Party - a mission they now consider accomplished.

"One of our principal goals of the campaign was to come out of Denver as a unified party," said Obama spokesman Josh Earnest. "And I think everybody would agree that our party is 100% unified behind Barack Obama as the nominee."

Well, maybe not everybody.

At a morning breakfast of the DNC's women's caucus, several protesters carrying "Hillary: Smart Choice" signs were quietly ushered from the room.

But most in the room were like former Vermont Gov. Madeleine Kunin, who sported a button that read, "Hillary supports Obama, and so do I."

"The choice is no longer between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton," said Kunin. "The choice is between John McCain and Barack Obama."

24 August 2008

run

Smoke another cigarette.

Take a few more pills.

Swallow some more whiskey.

Run.

Run away from the unforgiving thoughts and images that fill your head.

Run away from yourself.

But your legs will not move fast enough. Your feet are too slow.

And you know where she is. And whom she is with.

Under the shadows of a darkened bedroom she is there. And she is a contortionist wrapped around his figure. The walls absorb the sounds that escape from her tepid lips.

The very lips you once tasted.

The very lips that spoke words you once thought were impossible: "I love you."

She loved you, Christopher.

Smoke another cigarette.

Take more pills.

Swallow more whiskey.

Run.

Run away from the agonizing images flickering inside your head.

Run away from yourself.

But your legs cannot carry the carriage of regret. Your feet are steel anchors. And you are sinking a million miles offshore.

And she cannot hear your cries. She is the concrete floor that catches his frame -- a structure collapsing from a blast of ecstasy.

She was your catcher in the rye.

She was the net that caught your body -- an object of flesh and bone that once fell from a cloudless sky.

And she loved you, Christopher.

So you smoke another cigarette and fill yourself with intoxicants -- the pseudo-killers of pain. And you run. Just run. Run until your feet blister and bleed. Purge yourself of regret. Run away from your mistakes.

But you know where she is.

Run.

And whom she is with.

Run.

He is there.

Just run.

And she is asleep.

Run.

Two sleeping bodies. Touching.

Just fucking run.

"I loved you, Christopher."

The words you once thought were impossible.

xx

21 August 2008

refusal

It would be so easy for me to call myself a fuck-up and other self-loathing pronouns. But I won't. Where has that childish behavior gotten me? Nowhere. It's only caused harm to myself and potentially permanent damage to those who care about me.

Over the past several weeks I've been able to expunge myself of the demons by being active, both physically and creatively. Simply attending a bi-monthly bipolar support group has helped me immeasurably.

I know I will never rid myself of this "disease," but I can manage it through various means.

No, I won't resort to the self-loathing tactics that I've so readily embraced in the past.

xx

16 August 2008

UPDATED bloomington music calendar UPDATED

Here is an updated list of upcoming shows in Bloomington:

Band names are linked to their respective MySpace pages
08/15 - John Terrill @ Bear's
08/17 - Oneida @ Bluebird
08/19 - Pterodactyl @ Bluebird
08/22 - John Mueller @ Waldron
09/06 - James Toth (Wooden Wand) & The Dutchess and the Duke @ Fester's
09/09 - Tussle @ Waldron
09/12 - These Are Powers @ Bear's
09/14 - Langhorne Slim @ Bluebird
09/17 - Maps & Atlases @ Jake's
09/18 - Daedelus with Eliot Lipp @ Neal Marshall Center
***Recently added*** 09/21 - Sunset Rubdown with Evangelicals @ Bluebird
09/23 - Monotonix @ Bluebird
09/29 - Awesome Color @ Jake's
***Recently added*** 10/09 - The Dodos @ Rhino's
10/16 - Deerhoof @ Buskirk-Chumley Theatre
10/21 - Magnolia Electric Co. @ Buskirk-Chumley Theatre
11/19 - Parts & Labor @ Bear's

14 August 2008

back with my baby

Look what the UPS man delivered about two hours ago:

12 August 2008

UPDATED palahniuk, radiohead and sasha UPDATED

Radiohead Deny Film Score Claim

Chuck Palahniuk, whose 2001 book Choke has been adapted for the big screen, told BBC 6 Music that Radiohead had written the score.

But spokesperson for the band said they had only contributed a song to the film - In Rainbows track "Reckoner" - to run over the final credits.

Choke, starring Sam Rockwell, is due to open later this year.

Speaking to 6 Music's Shaun Keaveny Breakfast Show earlier this week, Palahniuk said he listened to Radiohead while writing the book, and it was "incredible" the band had written the film score.

"Clark Gregg [Choke director]... knew that I'd written Choke while listening to [Radiohead's 1993 debut album] Pablo Honey, with Creep over and over and over," he said.

"So Clark got Radiohead to contribute a song; to write a song for the very end of the movie, the final credits.

"Apparently Radiohead liked the movie so much, they've written the score."

But a spokeswoman for Radiohead said the band had not submitted any music to the film other than Reckoner.

Palahniuk's 1996 novel Fight Club was made into a film starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton.

The Pixies' Where Is My Mind was used during the finale of the 1999 film.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/entertainment/7560237.stm


From the BBC's Matt Everitt comes this fantastic story:

Radiohead Score New Chuck Palahniuk Film

12 August 2008 - Controversial Fight Club and Snuff author Chuck Palahniuk has revealed Radiohead have written brand new music for the soundtrack to the new movie adaptation of his book Choke.

Speaking to 6 Music on the Shaun Keaveny Breakfast Show, Palahniuk explained it all came from his love of the band’s music, saying:

“Clark Gregg, who directed the movie version of Choke which comes out in November, he knew that I’d written Choke while listening to [Radiohead’s 1993 debut album] Pablo Honey, with Creep, over and over and over.

“So Clark got Radiohead to contribute a song; to write a song for the very end of the movie, the final credits.

“Apparently Radiohead liked the movie so much, they’ve written the score, most of the ambient music throughout it. So it’s ‘Choke – with the music of Radiohead’“

When asked if he felt honoured to have such a respected band write music solely for his film, the author laughed, “I quit believing in my own life at this point! My life is just too incredible to be believable anymore. It’s a living dream.”

Palahniuk’s work is famous associated with alternative music, with his use of Pixies’ Where Is My Mind during the finale of the feature film adaptation of his novel Fight Club.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And Pitchfork Media's Matthew Solarski reports ...

Thom Yorke, M83, Ladytron, Apparat on Sasha DJ Mix

Sasha's Invol2ver, the follow-up to acclaimed 2004 mix Involver, descends on the world at large on September 9, thanks to Global Underground. The set packs in 13 Sasha re-workings of such gems as Ladytron's "Destroy Everything You Touch", Thom Yorke's "The Eraser", M83's very recent "Couleurs", and Apparat's very lovely "Arcadia." There's also, for some reason, a track featuring Ray LaMontagne.

Bonus! Folks who scoop up one of the first 10,000 copies of Invol2ver will get a bonus disc packing in some exclusive remixes, including a different take on Thom Yorke's "Eraser".

Invol2ver:

01 Badger: "Intro"
02 Telefon Tel Aviv: "You Are the Worst Thing in the World (Sasha Invol2ver Remix)"
03 Rone: "Flesh (Sasha Invol2ver Remix)"
04 Sasha vs. Ray LaMontagne: "Eclipse"
05 Sasha vs. Adam Parker: "Lowlife"
06 Charlie May: "Midnight"
07 Apparat: "Arcadia (Sasha Invol2ver Remix)"
08 Home Video: "That You Might (Sasha Invol2ver Remix)"
09 Ladytron: "Destroy Everything You Touch (Sasha Revol2ver Remix)"
10 M83: "Couleurs (Sasha Revol2ver Remix)"
11 Thom Yorke: "The Eraser (Sasha Invol2ver Remix)"
12 Sasha: "3 Little Piggys"
13 Engineers: "Sometimes I Realise (Sasha Invol2ver Remix)"

Bonus Disc:

01 Thom Yorke: "The Eraser (Sasha Coma Remix)"
02 Girls in Hawaii: "Flavor (Sasha Invol2ver Remix)"
03 Lostep: "Burma (Involver Dub Mix)"
04 Home Video: "Gas Tank (Sasha Invol2ver Remix)"
05 Charlie May: "Midnight (Extended Mix)
06 Sasha vs. Ray LaMontagne: "Eclipse (CM Dub Mix)"

09 August 2008

and so it begins (again)

I can't believe it, but I just purchased a Korg Triton Music Workstation for the unbelievable price of $575 on eBay. This is the same Triton model that I owned several years ago but sold in 2005 to diminish the amount of credit card debt I had at the time.

I'm still stunned ... a fantastic Triton shall be in my possession once again ... my winning bid of $575 was too good to be true ... I didn't think I'd win the Triton with such a low bid ... but I did ... wow ... the music bug has been biting me for a couple months ... I miss composing songs ... applying sounds to thoughts ... yes, the music bug was biting ...

And now it's time to bite back.

comedian, actor bernie mac dead at 50

Actor and Comedian Bernie Mac Dies at Age 50

By F.N. D'ALESSIO, Associated Press Writer

Bernie Mac, the Emmy and Golden Globe nominated actor and comedian who worked his way to Hollywood success from an impoverished upbringing on Chicago's South Side, died Saturday at age 50.

"Actor/comedian Bernie Mac passed away this morning from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital," his publicist, Danica Smith, said in a statement from Los Angeles.

She said no other details were available and asked that his family's privacy be respected.

The comedian suffered from sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body's organs, but had said the condition went into remission in 2005. He recently was hospitalized and treated for pneumonia, which his publicist said was not related to the disease.

Recently, Mac's brand of comedy caught him flack when he was heckled during a surprise appearance at a July fundraiser for Democratic presidential candidate and fellow Chicagoan Barack Obama.

Toward the end of a 10-minute standup routine, Mac joked about menopause, sexual infidelity and promiscuity, and used occasional crude language. The performance earned him a rebuke from Obama's campaign.

But despite controversy or difficulties, in his words, Mac was always a performer.

"Wherever I am, I have to play," he said in 2002. "I have to put on a good show."

Mac started his comedy career at age 8, with a standup performance at a church dinner. In 1977, at age 20, he took that act to comedy clubs in Chicago.

His film career started with a small role as a club doorman in the Damon Wayans movie "Mo' Money" in 1992. Mac went on to star in the "Ocean's Eleven" franchise with Brad Pitt and George Clooney and his turn with Ashton Kutcher in 2005's "Guess Who?" — a remake of the Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn 1967 classic "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" — topped the box office.

Mac also had starring roles in "Bad Santa," "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" and "Transformers."

The comedian drew critical and popular acclaim with his Fox television series "The Bernie Mac Show," which aired more than 100 episodes from 2001 to 2006.

The series about a man's adventures raising his sister's three children, won a Peabody Award in 2002. At the time, judges wrote they chose the sitcom for transcending "race and class while lifting viewers with laughter, compassion — and cool."

The show garnered Golden Globe and Emmy nominations for Mac. He also was nominated for a Grammy award for best comedy album in 2001 along with his "The Original Kings of Comedy" co-stars, Steve Harvey, D.L. Hughley and Cedric The Entertainer.

In 2007, Mac told David Letterman on CBS' "Late Show" that he planned to retire soon.

"I'm going to still do my producing, my films, but I want to enjoy my life a little bit," Mac told Letterman. "I missed a lot of things, you know. I was a street performer for two years. I went into clubs in 1977."

Mac was born Bernard Jeffrey McCullough on Oct. 5, 1957, in Chicago. He grew up on the city's South Side, living with his mother and grandparents. His grandfather was the deacon of a Baptist church.

In his 2004 memoir, "Maybe You Never Cry Again," Mac wrote about having a poor childhood — eating bologna for dinner — and a strict, no-nonsense upbringing.

Mac's mother died of cancer when he was 16. In his book, Mac said she was a support for him and told him he would surprise everyone when he grew up.

"Woman believed in me," he wrote. "She believed in me long before I believed."

___

Associated Press writer Carla Johnson also contributed to this report.

08 August 2008

bloomington music calendar

Some very good bands will be visiting Bloomington over the next couple months. Here's a list:

Band names are linked to their respective MySpace pages
08/10 - Vivian Girls @ Bear's
08/12 - Bon Iver @ Waldron
08/15 - John Terrill @ Bear's
08/17 - Oneida @ Bluebird
08/19 - Pterodactyl @ Bluebird
08/22 - John Mueller @ Waldron
09/06 - James Toth (Wooden Wand) & The Dutchess and the Duke @ Fester's
09/09 - Tussle @ Waldron
09/12 - These Are Powers @ Bear's
09/14 - Langhorne Slim @ Bluebird
09/17 - Maps & Atlases @ Jake's
09/18 - Daedelus & Eliot Lipp @ Neal Marshall Center
09/23 - Monotonix @ Bluebird
09/29 - Awesome Color @ Jake's
10/16 - Deerhoof @ Buskirk-Chumley Theatre
10/21 - Magnolia Electric Co. @ Buskirk-Chumley Theatre
11/19 - Parts & Labor @ Bear's

07 August 2008

comfort in strangers

Going to tonight's bipolar support group was definitely the right -- and proper -- thing to do. Identifying with a stranger's pain, happiness, frustration and hope is very therapeutic.

And again, I exited the building with a sense of empowerment. Optimism.

xx

support group thursday

While I sit here pondering tonight's bipolar support group (I'm unsure if I'm going), reverberations of Sunday's magical Radiohead concert continue to echo throughout my head.

It's strange: whenever I attend an amazing concert, the following days are twinged with bitter-sweetness -- I witnessed a fantastic event with thousands of people; a huge mass had assembled to share a common happening. And for those few hours, my mind and body received some ethereal transmission of perfection; I was an antenna suspended deep inside the bellows of the cosmos -- breathing and unconscious yet fully aware of the experience.

Then ...

The music ends.

The stage lights fade.

And the moment is gone. Forever.

But never forgotten.

And I'm reminded of something Andy Warhol once said:
"I try to think of what time is and all I can think is ...
Time is
Time was."

xx
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two Radiohead songs from Sunday night that haunt me the most are "All I Need" and "Videotape." Below you will find the Scotch Mist Version (recorded live in Radiohead's studio) of "All I Need" and an amazing live performance of "Videotape," which was recorded in Arras, France on 6 July 2008.

"All I Need"


"Videotape" (Please view the high quality version of this song HERE.)

05 August 2008

a macabre story that gets stranger and stranger

'Please Kill Me,' Suspect in Bus Beheading Says

PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, Manitoba (AP) -- A Chinese immigrant accused of stabbing, beheading and cannibalizing a man on a Greyhound bus in Canada pleaded in court Tuesday for someone to "please kill me," and was ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.

Vince Weiguang Li, who immigrated to Canada from China in 2004, is charged with second-degree murder in last Wednesday's slaying of 22-year-old carnival worker Tim McLean -- an attack which witnesses aboard the bus said appeared to be unprovoked. He has yet to enter a plea.

Li was scheduled to appear Tuesday to determine whether he should undergo psychiatric testing, but the judge in Portage La Prairie adjourned the hearing for a short recess to allow a legal aid attorney to confer with him. Since his arrest, Li has declined to speak to prosecutors and his court-appointed attorney.

When asked again by the judge after the recess if he wanted a lawyer, Li shook his head and then quietly said "please kill me," The Canadian Press reported.

Li's remark was heard by reporters and confirmed by court clerks, but was not acknowledged by the judge. He is due back in court Sept. 8.

Officers at the scene of the bus attack discovered a plastic bag containing an ear, nose and part of a mouth in Li's pocket, according to a police report submitted by prosecutor Joyce Dalmyn as evidence supporting a request for the psychological test.

The night of the deadly attack, Dalmyn said, the only response officers received from Li was: "I have to stay on the bus forever".

Passengers on the bus described a horrific scene that began Wednesday night as they shuttled through the darkness along a desolate stretch of the TransCanada Highway about 12 miles from Portage La Prairie.

Thirty-seven passengers were aboard the Greyhound from Edmonton, Alberta, to Winnipeg, Manitoba. Some were napping and others watching "The Legend of Zorro" when Li attacked McLean, allegedly stabbing him dozens of times, according to witnesses. As horrified passengers fled from the bus, Li severed McLean's head, displaying it to some of the passengers gathered outside the bus, witnesses said. He then began hacking at the body, they said.

A police officer at the scene reported seeing the attacker hacking off pieces of the victim's body and eating them, according to a police tape leaked on the Internet.

A church pastor, Tom Castor, who helped hire Li soon after he immigrated in 2004 with his wife, Anna, said the man never showed any sign of anger or emotional problems when he worked there as a custodian.

Church officials said they vetted Li by contacting references listed on his application and running a criminal record check.

More than 105,000 people have joined an online memorial group for McLean.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Garnet Caton, a witness to the attack, describes the scene and aftermath

04 August 2008

everything in its right place

Last night's Radiohead concert at Verizon Wireless Music Center in Indianapolis was a spectacular experience for the eyes and ears. The band amazed the audience for approximately two hours and played EVERY song from their latest album (including "Bangers + Mash," which appears on the In Rainbows bonus disc), In Rainbows. The band also visited songs from their previous albums The Bends, OK Computer, Kid A, Amnesiac and Hail to the Thief. The band's performance ebbed and flowed with impeccable precision. Thom and Company played the rockers "Bodysnatchers," (the wonderfully reworked) "The Gloaming," "Idioteque" and "Just" with reckless abandon only to collapse and perform "All I Need," "Pyramid Song," "Videotape" and "How to Disappear Completely" with immaculate exquisiteness.

Grizzly Bear, the opening band, played a fine set -- but they were the calm before the glorious storm.

Radiohead set list -- 03 August 2008 (Indianapolis, Indiana):

01 15 Step
02 Bodysnatchers
03 There There
04 All I Need
05 Pyramid Song
06 Nude
07 Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
08 The Gloaming
09 Climbing Up The Walls
10 Faust Arp
11 Videotape
12 Morning Bell
13 Idioteque
14 Reckoner
15 Everything in Its Right Place
16 Just
17 How to Disappear Completely

Encore 1
18 You and Whose Army?
19 Bangers + Mash
20 Exit Music (For A Film)
21 Jigsaw Falling Into Place
22 Karma Police

Encore 2
23 House of Cards
24 The National Anthem
25 Street Spirit

The following videos were filmed by YouTuber skabadelic. These videos are available in high quality on YouTube. (High quality versions of YouTube videos can be viewed only at YouTube; however, this may change in the near future.) If you'd like to view more live Radiohead videos filmed in Indy and St. Louis, visit his YouTube page HERE.

"The Gloaming" Live in Indy - 03 August 2008


"How to Disappear Completely" Live in Indy - 03 August 2008


"Street Spirit (Fade Out)" Live in Indy - 03 August 2008



The following pictures were taken by Flickr's LightBulb_Sunset. To view more of her pictures, go HERE



















































































































The following pictures were taken by Flickr's ninamehta. To view more or her pictures, go HERE


02 August 2008

rosemary and david

Rosemary is in the stairwell on the seventh floor of some downtown parking garage. She's gazing out the window -- a frozen witness to the bustling street below. The high-priced whores are wearing miniskirts and displaying flesh; their lips are painted red and glow like the streaming tail lights of passing cars. Methamphetamine beauty queens scratch their arms and ache for a black market remedy. And the men ... the men are wearing cheap gold necklaces and K-Mart cologne ... the men searching for one-night stands and easy pussy.

Flashing neon signs and passing headlights illuminate the sidewalk souls like some bizarre holy pageant -- a carnival of creeps and down-and-outers, desperate spirits searching for a momentary taste of deliverance.

All those people, those creatures ... they look so beautiful, Rosemary thinks to herself. I wonder what it's like to be someone else, something different.

Rosemary reaches into her pocket for her stash of stolen pharmaceuticals. She pinches three of the solid white snowflakes until they become powder and sprinkles the particles on her tongue. She swallows, ingesting the pixels for pain.

\\\\\_/////

It's an August midnight and my bedroom is boiling. My skin sticks to the cotton sheets and I wonder where that girl is. The girl I met two nights ago on the 14 bus. Her pupils were two giant black holes swallowing light and shadow. And she said her name was Rosemary.

"That's a nice name," I told her. Indifference absorbed my petty compliment.

Rosemary. Rosemary's face was unmarred, clean of makeup and her black hair was tangled -- a beautiful mess. She got off at 17th and Kingston, but before she left she scribbled her telephone number on a bus schedule and said, "Here. Give me a call sometime. You know, if you're, like, bored or somethin'."

Her dilated pupils. Her jittery movements and jumbled speech. Her somber solitude. She was obviously under the influence of some chemical, but, nonetheless, Rosemary intrigued me. Behind those eyes and trapped inside her ribcage was a story. A story of pain, regret and irretrievable love.

I crawl out of bed and search my cluttered desk for that bus schedule.

"Here it is. Rosemary -- 555-0661."

I pause and ponder: she was such a fucking wreck, will she even remember me?

"Fuck it," I say and dial the number.

\\\\\_/////

Rosemary is in the stairwell on the seventh floor of some downtown parking garage waiting. Waiting for the chemicals to infiltrate her bloodstream. Rosemary is waiting to become something else. Her eyes are closed and she's waiting to shed her skin and slip away when her cell phone rings. She slowly opens her eyes.

"Mother fuck. Who the hell is this?"

She doesn't recognize the number, but she recognizes the feeling creeping into her bones. The feeling of home. The feeling of comfort. Numbness.

"H-Hello?"

\\\\\_/////

After several rings Rosemary finally answers my phone call. Her speech is slow, unsteady.

"Rosemary? Um, is this Rosemary?"

"Yes ... yes ... yeah, this is Rosemary. Who ... who is this?"

"Hey, it's me, David. You know, we met a couple nights ago on bus 14? I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

\\\\\_/////

David. David. Bus 14. Who the fuck is David? she thinks to herself.

"Uh, David. Yeah yeah, David. What ... what's goin' on?"

\\\\\_/////

Christ, she doesn't remember me. I knew this phone call was a mistake.

"Oh, nothing much. Just thought I'd give you a call, you know, see what you're up to. So ... what are you doing?"

\\\\\_/////

"What am I doing. What ... am ... I ... doing," the words trickle slowly from her lips. "Just hangin' out downtown. Watching the royal parade of freaks and shit."

\\\\\_/////

"Oh, OK. I don't know, you want to get a drink or something?" I ask. A shot in the dark. An act of desperation.

"Um, yeah. Sure. Why not. I'll be ... I'll be outside, next to the Empty Caboose. I'll ... I'll be waiting for you there. The Empty Caboose. OK, David?"

"Yeah yeah, that's cool. The Caboose sounds good. Any bands playing tonight?"

\\\\\_/////

Rosemary can't feel the cell phone in her cold hand. Rosemary can't feel the stifling heat in the stairwell.

"Um ... you know, I don't even know if a band is playing. I'm ... I'm kinda out of it. It's been a rough week, you know? "

Poor Rosemary. She's a tattered and sedated rag doll on the seventh floor of some downtown parking garage and she's agreed to meet some stranger named David.

\\\\\_/////

I say goodbye to Rosemary and throw on some blue jeans and a black t-shirt. I don't know why I called her. She's practically a stranger and here I am, preparing to meet this person for drinks.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I ask my reflection.

"You've always been a vessel for trainwrecks," my reflection responds.

\\\\\_/////

Rosemary is descending the stairwell with unsteady knees. Each step is a deliberate and concentrated movement. She trips but catches herself on the second floor railing.

"Fuck fuck fuck ... two, just two more levels. Guess I should take one more for good measure ... for ... for this David."

She crushes another pill and her dry tongue absorbs the fine snow. A window is her mirror and she attempts to straighten her tangled hair and smooth out the folds in her pants. But some creases cannot be pressed away.

"Oh, darling, you look like the pristine queen of shit ... shit ... but you feel ... zero ... z ... zero ... and therefore you are beautiful ... a chemical princess," her reflection speaks.

\\\\\_/////

I find a parking space and walk two blocks until I see the Empty Caboose. The sidewalks are crawling with people, creatures slithering through this hot August night. Their eyes are glassy from bottled spirits, their voices loud, boisterous.

And then I see her -- Rosemary. She's seated on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette. Alone. She gazes straight ahead as if she can see through the sea of drunken souls to some distant shoreline.

"Rosemary?"

\\\\\_/////

Rosemary hears
A voice
A sound
One million miles
Away
"R o s e m a r y ?"
She breaks
From her gaze
And looks
H e a v e n w a r d
"H e y,
I t ' s
M e,
D a v i d ."

"O h
H e y
D a v i d
C a n y o u
H e l p m e
U p ?"

\\\\\_/////

Jesus, she's a mess. Her cold hand grasps mine and with shaky knees Rosemary rises.

"You OK?" I ask.

"Mmmm, no. No, David. I'm not ... I'm not OK ... and I'm really sorry, all right?"

"That's OK. Judging by the looks of you, I don't think getting a drink is a good idea. Am I right?"

"Oh, do I look like shit? I must. I ... no, a drink is not a good idea. I ... I would, however, like to get away from these god damned drunkards."

"Yeah, me too. How 'bout a bite to eat ... some coffee?"

\\\\\_/////

Rosemary
Pauses
Her eyes are
Fixed
And she sees herself
Running
Running
Running through a field of polyethylene flowers
And trampled valentines
My love, Rosemary, my love for you
Will never die.
"You're wrong
You fucking lied
To me
You lied
To me
You mother fucker," she mumbles.

"I-I'm sorry?"
A sound interrupts.

And Rosemary awakes. Coherence strikes.

"Jesus. Jesus. I'm sorry, David. I ... I got lost there for a moment. I'm so sorry for making you come down here. I'm such a ... I'm such a fucking mess. You must think I'm a piece of shit or --"

"No, Rosemary. I don't think you're a piece of shit. And you didn't make me come down here. I came ... I came because I wanted to, OK?"

\\\\\_/////

Our eyes connect and those giant black holes begin to swallow me.

Until she turns away.

And this sidewalk is crowded with men who smell artificial and women who smell like feminine products.

"You want me to take you home?" I ask.

"No. No. Home is not ... not a good place because home means my dickhead boyfriend ... ex-boyfriend ... whatever. Chris -- that fucking asshole."

Poor Rosemary, I think to myself.

Poor me. I've always been a shipyard for sinking vessels, I admit to myself.

"Look, David. I really do appreciate you coming down here ... for me -- this deplorable, worthless ... I feel like a whore asking you this, but could I ... could I just crash at your place?"

\\\\\_/////

She slips
Away
Again
And Rosemary
Is just
Looking for refuge
And those little white snowflakes
Don't work
Anymore.
Rosemary just wants to be
Someone else
Something different
New flesh stained
With someone else's problems

\\\\\_/////

How can I deny this stranger? This girl? But she's a wreck. Broken. (And you've always been a shipyard for sinking vessels, David.) Broken.

And I'm ... I've been broken, too. By different methods. By different hands. And behind her eyes and trapped inside her frail ribcage is a story -- a story I recognize. A tale the pen of my existence has written over and over and over and ...

\\\\\_/////

David unlocks the door to his apartment and Rosemary trudges through the doorway only to collapse on his couch.

"Are you OK? You want some water or something?"

"Hmm? No ... no thanks. I'm sorry about ... about this ... about me, OK?"

"Don't worry about it. Really. Let me get you a blanket."

"Blanket ... yeah, that would be great."

Rag doll Rosemary curls under the blanket. Fabric for refuge. Clean cotton to conceal herself from a world constantly collapsing.

\\\\\_/////

I cover Rosemary with a blanket and she's gone. Sleeping.

I seat myself on my recliner and turn on the television. An infomercial flickers on the screen. Some man is selling a plastic product that will make life easier. More manageable.

And I stare at the shrouded body on my couch. Her pale face and tangled black hair rest on a pillow.

I think about my life.

I think about Rosemary's life.

Such a beautiful mess.

All of it.

All of this.

And the man on the television tells me operators are standing by. Waiting for my phone call. Waiting for contact.

And we're all just shots in the dark. Ghosts of desperation searching for a momentary taste of salvation.

xx