In the days since the Last Thursday post I've been pondering the sister situation. I don't want to contribute to the stress that mother is currently experiencing (her illness and sister), but I'm considering telling her that I don't want sister present during my visit on Xmas day. I don't want to relay those wishes to her. I really don't. Xmas has always been – well, it was a very special time for our family until, of course, sister fell into the abyss. However, I don't see the point in maintaining a façade of normalcy while the roots of our lives are being strangled by sister's sickness. Additionally, a signal needs to be sent – mother, obviously because sister is her daughter, is somewhat tolerant of her behavior, and until sister experiences some familial consequences for drug use I don't believe her path to recovery can truly begin. (If you've seen the A&E program Intervention then you know how the enabling behavior of loved ones/family can provide sustenance and shelter for the addict.) Of course, for mother, cutting off sister would mean limited, potentially zero, contact time with her cherished grandson.
But I'm getting ahead of myself: I must first determine just how I will convey my feelings to sister. How exactly do I tell her that she's no longer a part of my life? A phone call? A letter? I'm leaning on a letter because, in my opinion, a letter has greater impact; also, my communication is much more direct and poignant when it is delivered through the written word; and finally, prepared documents better fit my passive-aggressive tendencies. I don't know. Unchartered waters here.
Right now I'm listening to Former Ghosts' "This Is My Last Goodbye." And its sound is entirely appropriate for this moment.
Right now.
xx
Former Ghosts - This Is My Last Goodbye from Lucky Vita on Vimeo.
3 comments:
I understand your reasoning for not wanting to see her at xmas. I also understand that you don't want to add stress to an already stressful situation, (especially with your mom being ill). I do agree that a forceful message needs to be sent, a familial consequence as you said is usually one of the first steps to recovery.
If you decide that seeing her is not something you were comfortable with, that would be a pretty forceful message indeed...hopefully enough of one to kickstart some type of self examination for your sister. As far as worrying about pushing her over the edge, You have to remember that not only are you not responsible for her behavior, but often a complete breakdown is what most addicts need before recovery can really stick.
To go and simply object to her presence, would also send a pretty clear message. This also gives you the opportunity to be there to voice your opinion should the need arise. Sometimes a single sentence from someone that matters is enough to change a person's life.
Whatever you decide to do, I think that putting up any kind of facade is not an option. Your opinion matters to her no matter how much she pretends it might not...and you have every right in the world to tell her what you think.
If you decide to come to town let me know. I would love to see ya, and if you need a place to crash or just get away or whatever, you got it.
-AA.
Hey AA, thanks for the thoughtful comment. I wish I could write that it opened the gates of reason, allowing me to plot a course of action -- unfortunately that isn't the case. Mom's ill, sister is shit, I'm about to enter the final and most crucial week of school, finances are strained, Xmas is coming and a myriad other circumstances are pushing me to the brink.
This is the part where you insert some Palahniuk quotation, which will pull me back in and remind me of life's relevancy.
Despite popular belief, the Brink is a good place to visit...just don't stay there.
I often think about the webs of relationships we weave, we are born with some, and we forge many more...they can be joyous and refreshing at times, others are acidic and corruptive. In any case, they are part of you. They help to define you.
I don't have a Palahnuik quote for ya, but i stumbled on a bit of advice from Camus a while back that fits i think:
"We all carry within us our places of exile, our crimes, and our ravages. But our task is not to unleash them on the world; it is to fight them in ourselves and in others."
You got your hands full my friend, that's for sure...my thoughts are with ya bro.
-Always facing the blast furnace, AA
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