ebert list

I had considered this year in cinema to be rather unremarkable, but leave it to Roger Ebert to convince me otherwise. Check out his best films of 2009 here. I added nearly every film to my Netflix queue – even the Nic Cage flick Knowing.

xx

read it and weep

from chicagotribune.com:

How health lobbyists influenced reform bill
Former staffers of lawmakers from Harry Reid to Mitch McConnell push clients' agenda

"At least 166 former aides from the nine congressional leadership offices and five committees involved in shaping health overhaul legislation -- along with at least 13 former lawmakers -- registered to represent at least 338 health care clients since the beginning of last year, according to the analysis.

Their health care clients spent $635 million on lobbying over the past two years, the study shows.

The total of insider lobbyists jumps to 278 when non-health-care firms that reported lobbying on health issues are added in, the analysis found."

Full story: http://www.chicagotribune.com/health/chi-health-lobbyists_bddec20,0,5453763,print.story


And from today's Meet The Press on NBC:

MSNBC host Joe Scarborough (a Republican) was asked a simple question about health care: What has President Obama achieved? His answer: "He has made a lot of people with insurance stock a lot richer."

"This [bill] is great for insurance companies," he explained. "They were going to reform the system [but] neither side wanted to take on the insurance companies. Neither side wanted to get rid of anti-trust exemptions. Neither side really pushed hard to allow you or me or anybody here to buy across state lines. And as Howard Dean said -- and this is a devastating fact -- insurance companies' stocks reached a 52-year high on Friday after this so called reform bill got its 60th vote. So David Axelrod, who I love and respect, but David Axelrod kept saying 'we took on the insurance companies, this is real reform, they're against it.' Really? I don't think so."

Watch:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

completed

A couple of hours ago I submitted the final draft of my formal report for English 211, which officially concluded the Fall 2009 semester(!). Earlier today I took my Anatomy and Physiology 102 final, and, in the process, secured an A for the course(!) -- a HUGE relief. I also earlier spoke to my mom; we discussed the Xmas-sister situation. I'll disclose the details later.

Anyway, I couldn't possibly convey the relief I feel knowing the semester is over. Unfortunately the next three weeks will find me studying for the Test of Essential Academic Skills (TEAS), which I'll take in early January. The TEAS covers reading comprehension, English skills, math abilities and science knowledge, and will ultimately determine if I make it into the nursing program in Fall 2010. It's a large test -- a four-hour time limit is given and, from what I gather, I'll need every minute of those four hours.

But this weekend is chill time. And tonight finds me drinking good beer with good people.

xx

found this the other day

Photographer Raoef Mamedov's Last Supper, which portrays Jesus and his disciples as sufferers of Down Syndrome.

[Click pic to see larger version.]

dreaming

The latest health-care reform FAIL is not a total failure – it presents a perfect opportunity to create a viable third party. Liberal Democrats who want a public option should abandon their party and plant the poles for a new tent. Such an exit would allow those distinguished Democrats to do precisely what some of their colleagues will not do – support their convictions with actions and with votes. Indeed, an exodus from the Democratic Party would draw a firm line between those who simply offer lip service to real, working Americans, and those who are willing to work on behalf of the lower- and middle-class citizens of this country. And what a statement those Senators, Congressmen and Congresswomen would make by founding a new party – and, in the process, risking their elected positions – on the ideals of the working class!

Consequently, a new party would tap into the Democrats' growing fracture. And this break is sizable. President Obama was elected thanks in large part to a fervent populous; young people who had never demonstrated interest in politics not only registered to vote for "change," but dedicated countless hours through volunteer efforts. The regression of such a volatile movement cannot be discounted; enthusiasm can quickly deform into disillusion – and this is what I'm witnessing now.

This is the Information Age, and today's voters are more educated than ever before; social networks can dictate the tide of popular opinion – and the opinion among Americans regarding the current climate of health-care reform is toxic, and I would suggest this toxicity is strongest among young people – the very people who voted to etch a brave new course into the scarred landscape of American politics. Indeed, there is nothing new about corporate interests superseding the concerns of the American people.

It's time for the third act – a third party.

xx

howard dean for president

Howard Dean appeared on tonight's Hardball with Chris Matthews and attempted to light a badly-needed fire under the Senate Democrats who have COMPLETELY CAVED on health-care reform. The public option is out. Expanding Medicare is out. And last night the Senate rejected two proposals that would have saved Americans millions of dollars through the importation of cheaper prescription drugs.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Over the last couple weeks I have witnessed corporations protect its valuable interests by killing real health-care reform. And yes, I know the familiar line given by the cynics and disenfranchised: "The corporations own the lawmakers and run the country." However, it's one thing to hear this sardonic drivel from some poor, pontificating bastard, but it's another thing entirely when, before your very eyes, the interests of the American people are raped, gutted and buried for the betterment of the corporate machine.

Utterly disgusted,

xx

regarding my previous post

I know there are some – well, a few – people who visit the space on a fairly regular basis. If you are one of them, or if you just now stumbled upon my blog, I would greatly appreciate it if you would please comment on my previous post. I'm seeking an objective opinion of the situation. If you were in my position, what would you do? Should I tell my mother that I don't want to see sister during my Xmas visit? Or, should I simply object to her presence and deal with it? Perhaps I should say nothing at all? And how should I inform sister that I no longer want her in my life? Letter? Phone call?

I understand that some, perhaps all of you have never dealt with such a crisis. Whatever your history, please give me your opinion. Just click on the COMMENTS link at the bottom of this post and type something.

Thank you.

xx

right now (3am)

In the days since the Last Thursday post I've been pondering the sister situation. I don't want to contribute to the stress that mother is currently experiencing (her illness and sister), but I'm considering telling her that I don't want sister present during my visit on Xmas day. I don't want to relay those wishes to her. I really don't. Xmas has always been – well, it was a very special time for our family until, of course, sister fell into the abyss. However, I don't see the point in maintaining a façade of normalcy while the roots of our lives are being strangled by sister's sickness. Additionally, a signal needs to be sent – mother, obviously because sister is her daughter, is somewhat tolerant of her behavior, and until sister experiences some familial consequences for drug use I don't believe her path to recovery can truly begin. (If you've seen the A&E program Intervention then you know how the enabling behavior of loved ones/family can provide sustenance and shelter for the addict.) Of course, for mother, cutting off sister would mean limited, potentially zero, contact time with her cherished grandson.

But I'm getting ahead of myself: I must first determine just how I will convey my feelings to sister. How exactly do I tell her that she's no longer a part of my life? A phone call? A letter? I'm leaning on a letter because, in my opinion, a letter has greater impact; also, my communication is much more direct and poignant when it is delivered through the written word; and finally, prepared documents better fit my passive-aggressive tendencies. I don't know. Unchartered waters here.

Right now I'm listening to Former Ghosts' "This Is My Last Goodbye." And its sound is entirely appropriate for this moment.

Right now.

xx

Former Ghosts - This Is My Last Goodbye from Lucky Vita on Vimeo.

cool video (no, really)

While rummaging through the Internets I found this spectacular point-of-view video of the 16 November 2009 launch of Space Shuttle Atlantis. (Atlantis returned to terra firma eleven days later.) Pretty amazing stuff.

last thursday

This isn't a post I wanted to make. I knew Thanksgiving was going to be a depressing outing for me (that familiar sinking feeling that precedes a dark spell has recently been sneaking into my bones) and Lisa, which is why I brought along some spiked eggnog, but I had no idea just how depressing last Thursday would become.

Unfortunately this time of year, which I used to enjoy, has become something to avoid. Spending time with the family is very stressful. And depressing. So, instead of carolers and mistletoe filling me with holiday cheer, they remind me of crass commercialism and the wondrous oblivion of youth – an oblivion I attempt to regain by plying myself with holiday "spirits."

For many weeks now my mom has been battling (what I presume to be) an intestinal infection. This illness, which has mystified three doctors, causes her to regurgitate practically everything she ingests. I won't share her other symptoms, but the mystery has left her frustrated. So frustrated that she is reluctant to see a new doctor because she fears he or she will be unable to diagnose her condition. After spending some time with my dad, Lisa and I go to my mom and step dad's place for some Thanksgiving grub. At the table mom attempts to eat some of the food she has prepared (she consumes about five bites); an hour later she's in the bathroom, regurgitating the small amount of food she ingested. Mom's situation made me sad, but I was depressed further upon watching and listening to sister. She seemed off, as if she was under the influence of something (not alcohol), which was not surprising considering her history of prescription drug abuse.

The following day mom calls me: all the cash from her purse is missing. Sister is obviously using again, stealing again, and the nightmare is beginning – again. This episode is much worse than past incidents because SHE HAS A THREE-YEAR-OLD SON. As my mom tells me (through tears) about finding the missing money, my face – no, my entire body flushes with blood, angry blood because the afternoon prior sister appeared so concerned about mom's condition; so concerned that she took $50 from her sick mother's purse – on Thanksgiving.

I'm finished with sister. (Things have never been the same between me and her since summer of 2005, when the depths of her addiction became apparent; subsequent interactions have been forced and awkward.) I can't tell you how many times during the past 48 hours I have, seemingly spontaneously, found myself in the midst of an internal monologue; a monologue because, even though I'm speaking to another person, my sister is awash in chemicals and incapable of comprehending the gravity of my words. And I'm telling her that she's gone, she's no longer a part of my life. But she doesn't care. She's lost to her addiction.

(Footnote: Mom called sister and told her about the missing money. Sister, of course, denied everything, and when sister visited mom yesterday to drop off her son, she acted as if nothing had happened. Completely oblivious.)

The recurring monologue has made me consider my options. If I call her and tell her she's out of my life, I'm afraid the words might push her over the edge, and she may hurt herself – or worse. Or, she may not care, not because she truly doesn't care, but because she's incapable of caring – an addict is concerned about only one thing: the source of his or her addiction. I wonder what would be the ultimate purpose of making such a call; I mean, who really benefits? Do I benefit by simply getting something off my chest? How would sister benefit? Her lying and deceitfulness is pathological, and I don't know how one person can penetrate such dark, compulsive behavior. I'm inclined to believe that such a phone call would leave me nonplussed.

Happy holidays.

xx

(Good news: I'm no longer experiencing pain in my left side.)

awwww yeah!

Gimme dat Christian side-hug!

From The Huffington Post:

Christian youth groups finally have an alternative to normal, aka "front," hugs. As we all know, face to face embraces run the horrific risk of a clothed crotch graze. The Christian Side-Hug (or the CSH, as the kids call it) rids us of sin, as the only below the belt contact will be some good old-fashioned hip on hip action.

To help the side-hug fad sweep the nation, let us present this hardcore rap song. Yup, side-hugging has hit the streets. The group has as many emcees as the Wu-Tang Clan and as much power as a barbershop quartet.

Look out for the ominous sirens blasting on the track. Clearly, these are gangsters on the run from the law - probably from side-hugging up a storm! One emcee (wearing his bandanna 2pac-style no less) admits to taking part in the forbidden front-hug. But don't worry, God. He's married.

At the end, they all simulate getting shot and dying. We can only hope there are side-hugs in heaven.

WATCH:

canceled

I didn't go for my 1 o'clock appointment with the urologist. Canceled it this morning. Throughout the weekend the discomfort in my lower left back was manageable, maybe even somewhat diminished from the days prior. I'm going to continue taking the antibiotic and hope for the best. Maybe the ache will slowly go away. If it gets worse, however, I will have to see a urologist and simply deal with the inevitable debt.

I know some people are skeptical of the recent Harvard study that found 45,000 Americans die every year from lack of health insurance. Those skeptics probably have never had to balance pain, which, while minor at the time, could lead to a major – and potentially deadly – health problem, with the nightmare of catastrophic debt and its associated consequences.

Here's my situation: Given my medical history I am almost certain that the ache in my left side is kidney related, and although I am in some level of discomfort throughout most of the day, the discomfort has yet to trump my willingness to take on potentially thousands of dollars in medical debt.

Here's my question: As an American citizen, is that a choice – the choice of pain or debt – I should have to make?

The United States is the only industrialized country that does not offer universal health care, and the United States annually spends approximately $2.26 trillion on health care, more than any other country on the planet.

If AGGRESSIVE health-care reform doesn't happen now, then when?

xx

saturday night’s all right for blogging

A couple weeks ago I joined the rest of the world and "got on the Facebooks." I was compelled to join Facebook because I thought that by joining I would be able to stalk some old flames. This isn't the case. Unfortunately Facebook's default setting allows only those designated as friends to view the juicy stuff.

Of course I'm kidding. I would never stalk an old flame on Facebook. Cyber-stalking isn't as fun as actually physically stalking someone.

Seriously though, the discovery of old names from my high school days (I graduated Highland Senior High School in 1997) has stirred up many emotions. Shock never ceases to strike me when I see the name of some long-forgotten classmate and his or her accompanying profile photo. ("Oh my god, that's so-and-so!") And judging from those photos, all my former classmates are either happily married and/or have at least one child. And those who have neither are apparently having the time of their lives parasailing on some sun-soaked beach far away from here. It's quite depressing, actually. It feels like high school all over again: everyone except me has seemingly found a group of which to assimilate. They have made all the right choices, and I can't seem to get my shit together. Yes, I have finally collected myself, but fuck! the time that has forever slipped away is not something that leaves the memory so easily. Neither are the memories of the embarrassing carcass I occupied as a high school student.

I'm terrified of friending a classmate from those days of mortification because I feel as though my high school ghost clings to everything – and memory is impermeable. Yes, I realize we have all grown and matured into 30 year-old adults, but my metamorphosis was embarrassing and painful. I suppose I still haven't resolved the issues that were at the core of my self-imposed exile. I wanted to belong – I still want to belong – to something so badly that I accomplished the opposite of my intentions, and, in doing so, became a cardboard cutout. An imposter. An imitator. Embarrassing.

When I reconnect with someone I haven't seen for a while an inevitable question eventually arises: What have you been up to? See, my response to that question is never simple and eloquent. I feel as if, to answer the question sufficiently, I must crack open the dog-eared book of my inhibitions and neuroticism and impart every motive for every decision I've made since our last contact; however, history has told me that most people are not interested in the psychological underpinnings of choosing to wear a pair of black Chuck Taylors over a pair of red Sauconys. So, in lieu of answering those inevitable questions, I wonder about what happened during my high school days. And wonder why all my former classmates look so happy in those profile photos.

xx

friday night update

Unfortunately my blogging presence lately has been lacking. Time for an update:

As a young child I experienced excruciating stomach aches. These stomach aches always seemed to occur in the left part of my abdomen. Initially doctors were baffled; however, during a physical exam Dr. Behm noticed that the left part of my lower back was swollen. These stomach aches were actually a result of urine failing to exit my kidney in a timely manner, so, at the age of seven, I had major surgery performed on the left ureter. The ureter is the tube that transports urine from the kidney to the bladder, and my left ureter had developed a kink, which obstructed urine flow, thereby leading to significant and irreversible kidney damage. The kidneys are vital to body homeostasis, and because the kidney was still functional (well, somewhat functional – functionality of the kidney is about 15%) the kidney was not removed. My left kidney's state leaves me vulnerable to kidney infection, which is something that flares up every two or three years. So, when I developed a slight ache in my lower left back nearly four weeks ago I hit the cranberry juice. It didn't help. On Monday I went to the doctor only to discover that the ache was not a kidney infection. I was given an antibiotic anyway and four days later nothing has improved, so I called my urologist and will see him Monday. Normally none of this would be cause for alarm, because ten years ago I experienced a similar situation and underwent a procedure, which involved sending a scope up my urethra to the ureter, to clean up the scar tissue. I sense that that is indeed what I'm dealing with now.

But I lost my health insurance last July. And my kidney condition qualifies as a "pre-existing condition," which means no health-insurance company will offer me coverage. And that Monday trip to the doctor cost me over $200. And $200 is a chuck of change when you are a part-time college student and part-time worker. And that $200 looms even larger when you realize that more doctor visits are coming, along with expensive tests and a possible surgery/procedure.

And these circumstances led me to produce two handwritten letters addressed to Indiana's respective senators, Republican Richard Lugar and Democrat Evan Bayh, in an effort to convince them that aggressive health-care reform must happen now. I chose to manually write the letters because such documents are not as easy to disregard, like a phone call or e-mail. Also, my political hero Chris Matthews, who worked on the Hill during the '70s and '80s, always says that, even in this day and age, a handwritten letter to your senator still means something. Additionally, Senator Bayh is one of the Blue Dog Democrats who doesn't quite but just might support a public option. Senator Lugar is a lost cause, but I wanted him to know that those who suffer from "pre-existing conditions" are real people with real stories. And very expensive problems.

I'm sounding my voice.

I hope someone will hear me.

Because sometimes we don't choose to fight for a cause until we are personally affected by the spark that spurred the cause.

More update stuff coming soon… stay tuned.

xx

second thoughts?

It pains me to type this, but I've recently been having second thoughts about some of the anti-roommate rants that I have posted here. Pains me because this blog -- my blog -- is a space for, among other things, my unequivocally honest, and sometimes brutal, opinions. Perhaps some of the anti-roommate posts have been too harsh. But then, every night I lay my head here and awake the following morning I find this:



and I think, No, those posts haven't been harsh enough. FML.

xx