moving pictures i missed

Here are a few films from '08 that I missed. (Most of these are independent films and therefore opened at select theaters across the country, except The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which opens everywhere on 25 December.)

Synecdoche, New York
Charlie Kaufman's directorial debut. 'Nough said.
Director: Charlie Kaufman
Writer: Charlie Kaufman
Rotten Tomatoes: 63%


Slumdog Millionaire
If Danny Boyle's name is on the picture, it's certainly worth a couple hours of my time.
Director: Danny Boyle
Writers: Simon Beaufoy (screenplay) and Vikas Swarup (novel)
Rotten Tomatoes: 93%


My Winnipeg
A blurb about this film in Time magazine intrigued me.
Director: Guy Maddin
Writer: Guy Maddin and George Toles
Rotten Tomatoes: 94%


The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Director: David Fincher
Writers: Eric Roth (screenplay and screen story) and Robin Swicord (screen story)
Rotten Tomatoes: 91%


4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
Synopsis: During the final days of communism in Romania, two college roommates Otilia and Gabita are busy preparing for a night away. But rather than planning for a holiday, they are making arrangements for Gabita's illegal abortion and unwittingly, both find themselves burrowing deep down a rabbit hole of unexpected revelations.
Director: Cristian Mungiu
Writer: Cristian Mungiu
Rotten Tomatoes: 97%


Gran Torino
I've been told that this hokey trailer doesn't do director Eastwood's Gran Torino justice.
Director: Clint Eastwood
Writers: Nick Schenk (screenplay) and Dave Johannson (story)
Rotten Tomatoes: 81%

which is worse

I don't know which is worse: Rod Blagojevich's brazen abuse of power as governor of Illinois, or this 2002 "Blagojevich for Governor" radio ad (and yes, this ad was actually used by his campaign).



Unlike President-elect Barack Obama's vacated Senate seat, this ad is priceless.

xx

dollars and disparities

The front page of today's Indiana Daily Student (the student-operated newspaper that serves the Indiana University Bloomington campus) featured the headline "Ivy Tech enrollment surpasses IU."

According to numbers released by the Indiana Commission for Higher Education, Ivy Tech Community College enrolled 120,447 students for the 2007-08 academic year, making it the largest public post-secondary school in Indiana. IU enrolled 118,952 students for the 2007-08 academic year.

Excerpts from Lindsey Erdody's article:

IU spokesman Larry MacIntyre explained that there are a few reasons why this happened.
One explanation is IU has been working closely with Ivy Tech over the past few years to make transferring credits easier.
“I think a number of students intended to take advantage of that,” MacIntyre said.
By making this connection with Ivy Tech, IU is now more desirable, MacIntyre said...

Another explanation is IU has recently dropped certain two-year associate degree programs. Now students seeking those degrees have chosen to attend Ivy Tech.

University spokesman aside, the article failed to mention the startling numbers (which provide better answers as to why more students are choosing community college) contained in the biennial report from the National Center for Public Policy and Higher Education, "Measuring Up 2008." Fewer students -- and their parents -- are finding traditional four-year universities a viable option for post-secondary education because it simply isn't affordable. The growing disparity between median family income and college tuition is alarming, and as this country grapples with a harrowing economic crisis, don't expect that gap to narrow anytime soon.

I've included some key figures from the report below:

• Published college tuition and fees increased 439 percent from 1982 to 2007 while median family income rose 147 percent

• Student borrowing has more than doubled in the last decade, and students from lower-income families, on average, get smaller grants from the colleges they attend than students from more affluent families

• Among the poorest families — those with incomes in the lowest 20 percent — the net cost of a year at a public university was 55 percent of median income, up from 39 percent in 1999-2000

Patrick M. Callan, president of the National Center for Public Policy and Higher Education (which is a nonpartisan organization that promotes access to higher education), encapsulated the study with the simple yet alarming observation, "If we go on this way for another 25 years, we won’t have an affordable system of higher education."

xx

clear it

Last night I attended a nursing information session at the _____ campus. The session, which was hosted by the Health Sciences Coordinator, is a mandatory component of the Associate of Science in Nursing program at the school. Many things were discussed, including various prerequisites (from college courses to vaccinations), deadlines, fees and state certifications.

During the PowerPoint presentation, I found myself scribbling notes in my notebook and thinking, Jesus, this is a lot of information... I know I can do this, but how?

It has been over ten years since I have received any kind of formal education (I graduated high school in 1997), and despite the fact that I will be taking two of my three classes online, I am feeling overwhelmed about the upcoming Spring semester (which begins 12 January 2009).

I tend to allow the totality of my circumstance (occasionally it is not my actual circumstance, but my future and/or potential circumstance) consume me; my senses are flooded and I cower in the shadows of even the simplest of problems because I cannot place d after c. Why? Because the sum total of my problem, challenge, etc. distorts every letter of the alphabet. If I could simply find my feet, my perspective, my chi, then I would be able to begin with a. Clear it. Move on to b. Clear it. Then c. Now d. And so on. But I become so easily discouraged that I sometimes feel it is better (it is actually only easier) to give up, collect my toys and go home. I have very little self-confidence. But with each accomplishment -- no matter how minor -- a spark of momentum flashes.

I am very fortunate to have L in my life. She has brought many things to light and, in doing so, has opened a world of possibilities. I cannot say where I would be if it were not for her love and encouragement. And I know that reads like some dreadful cliche, but it is so very true.

Thank you, L. =)

xx

bleak news for a cold sunday

Bloomberg News reports that the massive job losses in the U.S. last month signal the country may be headed towards its worst recession since World War II:

Employers cut payrolls last month at the fastest pace in 34 years as the unemployment rate rose to 6.7 percent, the highest level since 1993. The 533,000 drop brought cumulative job losses this year to 1.91 million, the Labor Department said yesterday in Washington...

At 12 months, the recession is already the longest since the 16-month slump that ended in November 1982. The recession is the 11th since a downturn that occurred in 1945, the year that World War II ended.

To fight the downturn, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke this week outlined unorthodox policy action that officials can take beyond lowering interest rates. One option would be to purchase longer-term Treasuries on the open market to inject more cash into the financial system.

The central bank may also cut its benchmark rate from 1 percent at its meeting Dec. 15-16 in Washington. HSBC Holdings Inc. economists yesterday forecast the Fed will reduce it to zero, emulating the Bank of Japan's efforts to defeat deflation earlier this decade.

Former Labor Secretary Robert Reich is even more pessimistic. Reich asks if we should simply call this country's current situation a Depression:

Today's employment report, showing that employers cut 533,000 jobs in November, 320,000 in October, and 403,000 in September -- for a total of over 1.2 million over the last three months -- begs the question of whether the meltdown we're experiencing should be called a Depression.

We are falling off a cliff. To put these numbers into some perspective, the November losses alone are the worst in 34 years. A significant percentage of Americans are now jobless or underemployed -- far higher than the official rate of 6.7 percent. Simply in order to keep up with population growth, employment needs to increase by 125,000 jobs per month.

Note also that the length of the typical workweek dropped to 33.5 hours. That's the shortest number of hours since the Department of Labor began keeping records on hours worked, back in 1964. A significant number of people are working part-time who'd rather be working full time...

When FDR took office in 1933, one out of four American workers was jobless. We're not there yet, but we're trending in that direction.

And then there's this:

"You got bailed out, we got sold out"
Angry laid-off workers occupy factory in Chicago

By RUPA SHENOY

CHICAGO (AP) — Workers who got three days' notice that their factory was shutting its doors have occupied the building and say they won't go home without assurances they'll get severance and vacation pay.

About 250 union workers occupied the Republic Windows and Doors plant in shifts Saturday while union leaders outside criticized a Wall Street bailout they say is leaving laborers behind.

Leah Fried, an organizer with the United Electrical Workers, said the Chicago-based vinyl window manufacturer failed to give 60 days' notice required by law before shutting down.

During the two-day peaceful takeover, workers have been shoveling snow and cleaning the building, Fried said.

"We're doing something we haven't done since the 1930s, so we're trying to make it work," she said, referring to a tactic most famously used in 1936-37 by General Motors factory workers in Flint, Mich., to help unionize the U.S. auto industry.

Fried said the company can't pay its 300 employees because its creditor, Charlotte, N.C.-based Bank of America, won't let them. Crain's Chicago Business reported that Republic Windows' monthly sales had fallen to $2.9 million from $4 million during the past month. In a memo to the union, obtained by the business journal, Republic CEO Rich Gillman said the company had "no choice but to shut our doors."

Bank of America received $25 billion from the government's financial bailout package. The company said in a statement Saturday that it isn't responsible for Republic's financial obligations to its employees.

"Across cultures, religions, union and nonunion, we all say this bailout was a shame," said Richard Berg, president of Teamsters Local 743. "If this bailout should go to anything, it should go to the workers of this country."

Outside the plant, protesters wore stickers and carried signs that said, "You got bailed out, we got sold out."

compliment

The following words were spoken to me by my final passenger of the evening:

"I don't know if anyone has told you this before, but you are really good at what you do. You accelerate and brake smoothly, and [your passengers] really appreciate it. Thanks."

Have you thanked your bus driver recently?

xx

today

Today I registered for classes for the upcoming spring semester, which begins 12 January 2009. I'm taking nine credit hours and I'll be working 35-40 hours per week; while this may be a busy schedule, I eagerly anticipate ending the status quo of pissing away countless hours and accomplishing nothing, and, instead, working toward something meaningful.

I must admit, however, that as my name and personal information entered another bureaucratic institution of numbers and protocols, that painful twinge of regret throbbed within me. Why? Why did you throw away an entire decade of your life? Ten years... gone. And very little to show for it.

For over half my life I have been my worst enemy, and I expect this story to continue as I enter the next phase of my life. Case in point: today marks one week since I began the bipolar medication, and I would be lying if I said I had not thought about tossing the pills and simply giving up on this illness, school -- everything. But I can't. I must maintain contact with my support system. I must maintain faith in myself -- and in others.

And I could go on, but I don't wish to wash this post in cliche emo musings so I'll end it



here.

xx

(I'm OK, people. Really.)

For a minute there / I lost myself, I lost myself

words

Earlier today I received an e-mail from a dear friend. The message was exquisitely timed because the friend's words eased much of the doubt and anxiety that have been troubling me lately.

AG's e-mail was one of the more profound messages I have ever read, not because of what she said, but what she didn't say.

We should never forget, nor should we underestimate, our ability to encourage and inspire our friends. After a period of time we find ourselves living in a comfort zone with friends and loved ones; it's a zone in which we make assumptions about our relationships and the inner workings thereof. We find ourselves mincing words because we assume our feelings are mutual. And they probably are. But to utter those emotions, those beliefs, those feelings, those words, is to remind and reinvigorate that which we may have forgotten.

Thanks, AG.

xx

take one tablet twice daily

First dose was administered approximately two hours ago. I hope today marks an end to the cycle and a return to sanity.

xx

present

I'm still here. My blogging presence has been sporadic recently because I've been struggling with a depressive episode for the past few weeks. I enjoyed an episode-free span of about four months; I can only hope that my current spell is nearing its end.

My current episode has sparked many familiar memories -- and none of those memories are good. I remember my first bipolar support group meeting (I haven't attended a meeting in about two months). I saw these people -- broken men and stricken women -- and I remember telling myself, No, I'm not one of them and I won't become one of them; I will not let this illness ravage my life because my conviction and determination have been culled from that which is undeniable and irrefutable.

But that confidence was bogus.

I am "one of them." I cannot will this illness away. It is not something I can purge from my belly. And when this illness ebbs, which it inevitably does, I must not fool myself by believing I am silencing it -- because I'm not. This sickness is oblivious to my actions.

What should I do? What can I do?

I can maintain my current form of treatment, which, essentially, is nontreatment, and, during my depressive states, become a highly irritable and easily frustrated person who resents "normal" people because I am angry about the choices I have made and where those choices have led me. I project this anger onto others because I need to blame someone for my illness; I can't blame myself because I didn't ask for this sickness, this disease. This illness was not born from reprehensible behavior. Did a genetic predisposition curse me? Or did an abnormal brain development damn me? Whatever the case, the depressive turns transform me into a loathsome monster: I drink heavily; I binge eat; my sleep is disrupted, which exacerbates my irritability; and my mind is preoccupied with disturbing thoughts.

Or I can return to a form of treatment that includes pharmaceuticals. I've been a strong opponent of psychoactive drugs, and while I still believe these drugs are overprescribed, it would be shortsighted of me to discount the benefits these drugs can offer.

I see now that many of the ideals and principles I embraced during my early- to mid-twenties were brash and baseless. Many of those beliefs were products of a manic mind and a stubborn individual, and therefore lacked the necessary ingredients of any belief system: logic and reason. One cannot hope that determination alone will provide sufficient strength to achieve one's goals. Certainly, willpower will nurture the path to accomplishment, but without a foundation, without structure, failure and disappointment await.

I'm sure many find this maxim obvious, but for the individual who suffers from manic and depressive spells (he or she tends to act impulsively), this invaluable foresight is lacking.

As I learn more about my illness and acquire the wisdom that comes with age, I'm slowly learning how to live -- healthily and independently. Obviously, I wish I had learned these lessons ten years ago. It's easy to allow the knowledge of a wasted decade deter me from changing my ways, but I have to persevere. Either I survive through a principle of persistence or parish from a disposition of self-loathing.

xx

through the pattern of noise and language

And so you search. You attempt to find something under their words. And this person -- this loved one, this friend, this person who is merely an acquaintance -- is speaking to you. And your mind, the subconscious component of your mind, is analyzing, surveying the words and the thoughts and ideas conveyed by these words for justification -- a vindication for your paltry, sad and selfish behavior. And the words are pouring from his or her lips -- the nouns, the verbs, all of it just filling your ears and then, through the pattern of noise and language, you find it. You cling to it. It being the reason, this nugget of humanity, of human frailty. Like some crazed hunter of beast and peasant, you pin it to the painted cardboard scenery, the artificial background of some Hollywood monstrosity that is life and

you crucify it. You smother yourself in the blood and excrement and milky fluid of this life... this being... this perceived animation of all that is real and you grasp it, you drink from it as if it were the tit of some holy mother... you drown yourself in the pious splendor of mother's milk. But you are so broken and damaged that you cannot see what you are doing or what you have become. Your eyes have been stained and raped by the blinking circus of technology; your senses dulled by pharmacology's response to the Modern American Condition. Perhaps you do see it -- rarely. Perhaps you catch yourself in the mirror; a fleeting glimpse of the being that occupies your body... under the skin and behind the cosmetically adjusted structure, you see it. A flash. But you don't dare acknowledge it. No, it was a trick of light and shadow. No, that wasn't me. But it is you... it's all over you, inside you. And so you seek defense. An explanation. An excuse for your actions and doings. Indeed, it is a subconscious search, a desire required by the broken pattern of your behavior, your identity, but, nonetheless, you scour and search for proof, for validity of your existence inside the words of

this person... this person speaking to you... the lover... the stranger. Because if he or she speaks of a trait, a piece you can grasp and identify, it must therefore prove your essence... that detestable nucleus of your actuality.

xx

blue revolution

It was close, but for the first time since 1964 Indiana was won by a Democratic presidential candidate. And the Hoosier state wasn't the only traditionally red state to turn blue. Iowa, North Carolina and Virginia all fell into the Obama column.

The following numbers appropriately frame Obama's historic run. He didn't just outperform his two Democratic predecessors (Al Gore in 2000 and John Kerry in 2004), he blew them away.

Indiana

Obama won: 50% to 49%

Kerry lost: 39% to 60%

Gore lost: 41% to 57%

Florida

Obama won: 51%-49%

Kerry lost: 47% to 52%

Gore "lost:" 49% to 49%

North Carolina

Obama won: 50% to 49%

Kerry lost: 44% to 56%

Gore lost: 43% to 56%

Virginia

Obama won: 52% to 47%

Kerry lost: 45% to 54%

Gore lost: 45% to 52%

Pennsylvania

Obama won: 55% to 44%

Kerry won: 51% to 49%

Gore won: 51% to 47%

Ohio

Obama won: 51% to 47%

Kerry lost 49% to 51%

Gore lost 46% to 50%

Colorado

Obama won: 53% to 46%

Kerry lost: 47% to 52%

Gore lost: 42% to 51%

New Mexico

Obama won: 57% to 42%

Kerry lost: 49% to 50%

Gore won: 48% to 48%

Nevada

Obama won: 55% to 43%

Kerry lost: 48% to 51%

Gore lost: 46% to 49%

chosen

live election feed

Well, the day has come. I hope you fulfilled your patriotic duty and voted.

Throughout the evening I'll be updating this post with relevant -- well, what I deem relevant -- election news and other info. The map below, which will remain at the top of this post, will offer real-time election results; select a state to view county-by-county results, and view House and Senate races using the dropdown toolbar.

Will Indiana, my state of residence, go blue for the first time since '64? Stay tuned to find out!

Scroll down for live updates!



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10.24PM EST

Two senior McCain aides tell CNN's Dana Bash they see "no path to victory" given the results thus far.

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10.19PM EST

The Huffington Post declares: "President-Elect Obama"

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09.56PM EST

Holy cow. With over 40 million votes tabulated, Obama is winning the popular vote by just 292,308 votes.

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09.47PM EST

Things are looking very glum for the McCain camp. McCain must capture Florida to stay alive; with 59% of the precincts reporting, McCain trails Obama by 182,000 votes.

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09.36PM EST

Is this the McCain/Palin death knell? The networks project Obama wins the 20 electoral votes of Ohio. This gives Obama 194 electoral votes compared to McCain's 69. No Republican president has ever captured the presidency without winning Ohio.

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08.30PM EST

Total votes:

Obama 5,212,326
McCain 4,796,438

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08.05PM EST

The major networks are projecting Obama victories in the following states: Massachusetts, Illinois, Connecticut, New Jersey, Maine (3 of 4 electoral votes), Delaware, Maryland and the District of Columbia. McCain is projected to win Oklahoma and Tennessee.

Indiana is STILL too close to call!

The projected electoral vote count is Obama 77, McCain 34. The winning candidate must capture 270 electoral votes to win the presidency.

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07.09PM EST

The major networks are projecting a McCain win in Kentucky and an Obama victory in Vermont. With 5% of Indiana precincts reporting, McCain trails Obama by approximately 4,000 votes. In other Hoosier news, incumbent Governor Mitch Daniels (R) is projected to beat Democrat Jill Long Thompson.

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06.30PM EST

Early results are tricking in... McCain will win Kentucky (no surprise) and Obama has an early lead in Indiana.

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05.55PM EST

From CNN... Final hour of desperation: Robocalls (from the McCain/Palin campaign) targeting Cuban-Americans have been pouring into Florida over the past two hours. The calls compare Obama to Fidel Castro and urge Cuban-Americans to "avoid establishing in the United States political policies like those of Cuba" and vote McCain.

05.44PM EST

CNN's exit polling shows that 72% of new voters voted Obama.
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05.32PM EST

More national exit poll results:

9% said terrorism is the top issue

86% who said terrorism is the top issue voted for McCain

(Source: CNN)
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05.22PM EST

National exit polls:

62% said economy is the top issue

10% said Iraq is the top issue

63% who said Iraq is the top issue voted for Obama

32% who said Iraq is the top issue voted for McCain

(Source: CNN)

VOTE tomorrow

Tomorrow is arguably the most important Election Day of our lifetime. I don't need to tell you why. But I would like to tell you one thing: vote. Please.

If you don't know where to vote, please visit this special Google Maps page. Just enter your home address and Google will do the rest. If your polling place is not in Google's database, Google will provide a link to your state's voter registration site where all your necessary info is just a click away.

And please, BE PATIENT. A record voter turnout is expected, so you may have to wait a considerable amount of time to cast your vote. Bring a book, a magazine or your iPod to pass the time.

If you experience or witness ANY problem with the voting process, call 1.877.GO CNN.08. The CNN Voter Hotline is in coordination with InfoVoter Technologies. Once you record your message on the hotline, InfoVoter Technologies will transfer your call to your state or local board of election office. Visit the CNN/InfoVoter page here for more info.

VOTE!