clear it

Last night I attended a nursing information session at the _____ campus. The session, which was hosted by the Health Sciences Coordinator, is a mandatory component of the Associate of Science in Nursing program at the school. Many things were discussed, including various prerequisites (from college courses to vaccinations), deadlines, fees and state certifications.

During the PowerPoint presentation, I found myself scribbling notes in my notebook and thinking, Jesus, this is a lot of information... I know I can do this, but how?

It has been over ten years since I have received any kind of formal education (I graduated high school in 1997), and despite the fact that I will be taking two of my three classes online, I am feeling overwhelmed about the upcoming Spring semester (which begins 12 January 2009).

I tend to allow the totality of my circumstance (occasionally it is not my actual circumstance, but my future and/or potential circumstance) consume me; my senses are flooded and I cower in the shadows of even the simplest of problems because I cannot place d after c. Why? Because the sum total of my problem, challenge, etc. distorts every letter of the alphabet. If I could simply find my feet, my perspective, my chi, then I would be able to begin with a. Clear it. Move on to b. Clear it. Then c. Now d. And so on. But I become so easily discouraged that I sometimes feel it is better (it is actually only easier) to give up, collect my toys and go home. I have very little self-confidence. But with each accomplishment -- no matter how minor -- a spark of momentum flashes.

I am very fortunate to have L in my life. She has brought many things to light and, in doing so, has opened a world of possibilities. I cannot say where I would be if it were not for her love and encouragement. And I know that reads like some dreadful cliche, but it is so very true.

Thank you, L. =)

xx