predawn musings

Chain-smoking cigarettes and drinking (again). A brilliant thunderstorm passed over Bloomington a couple hours ago and now the skies are black and silent. I'm alone and writing while Interpol's Turn on the Bright Lights fills my headphones.

I'm struggling to find inspiration. My previous post, "Audiolog One by William Rockford," is the first part of a series of fictional audiologs I hope to continue. Blame Chuck Palahniuk, but I find something intriguing -- and, as a writer, freeing -- about tackling subjects some might find disturbing. It's easy to gloss over issues the "general public" would rather deny. I prefer to rip off the Band-Aid and let the wound bleed. I prefer to scour the flesh and mind and find the scars. Uncover the perpetrator and delve into his or her mind ... search for the motives ... the causes and effects of one's actions. Release the demons. Let them float and fluster, then pin their shadows to the wall and observe. Put pen to paper and document their movements.

Moving on ...

The postman delivered my newest pair of kicks: New Balance 574s. You'll find my complete shoe collection below:

(I'm bored, OK?)
The 574s look and feel great, but Saucony produces the most comfortable shoes on the planet.

Moving on ...

Albums on heavy rotation AKA Albums for the manic-depressive:

Taking Back Sunday - Louder Now (For the emo boy trapped inside this 30-year-old body)
Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights, Antics and Our Love to Admire (For comfort)
Songs: Ohia - Impala (When I wish to hear songs from a midnight highway)
Joy Division - Closer (For my reflection)
Holy Fuck - Holy Fuck (For DFA 1979 withdrawals)
Episode 359 of "A State of Trance with Armin van Buuren" - Live at Amnesia in Ibiza (For moments of hope, optimism and unfettered bliss)
30 Seconds to Mars - 30 Seconds to Mars (For the emo boy trapped inside me [again])
Patton Oswalt - Werewolves and Lollipops (When I need to laugh -- hysterically)

Moving on ...

Unless I lose the courage, I'll attend the depression/bipolar support group, which I mentioned in a previous post, this Thursday at 7PM. Since this will be my first meeting, I'm unsure how much I'll participate, but I'm definitely looking forward to this new experience.

Moving on ...

I recently purchased Eric Paul's latest collection of poetry, I Offered Myself as the Sea. Paul was the frontman of the now defunct band Arab on Radar; he now fronts The Chinese Stars. I won't attempt to define his unique writing style, but, like pornography, you know it when you see it.

"The Parking Lots of You and Me" by Eric Paul

Being friends with you is like being friends with one of those smashed-up cars they put out on the front lawns of High Schools a week before prom night to warn students about the dangers of drunk driving,
or
the dangers of being your friend while you binge eat on candy bars, get drunk everyday on gasoline and sleep with empty girls that live in parking lots.

Although it's frightening and very sad, it keeps me from getting in the car with you.

Moving on ...

My head needs a pillow, my body a blanket. Good night and good luck ...

xx