post 424

Two hours until the meeting. I'm nervous as hell. Scared. My anxiety has climbed out of my bloodstream and manifested physically. Shaky hands. Fingertips sticky with perspiration. I feel as though I'm going to crawl out of my clammy flesh. Legs are trembling, restless. My chest pulses to the rhythm of my heart. Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.Thump.

Christ, I don't know if I can do this. But I must.

How will I introduce myself? Will I recite the lines I've composed internally?

Room 15.

How many people will be there? What will they look like? Will they see the pink and swollen scars on my arm? I've thought about wearing a jacket ... something with long sleeves ... something to hide the lines. Those moments in time etched and recorded. But it's 92 degrees outside ... too hot for long sleeves.

Fuck it. I don't know ...

xx