shining

Five cigarette butts lay in the ashtray
A glass of whiskey and coke sits within reach
Candlelight dances near an open window
And I'm staring at an empty bed --
Unmade and uninviting.
I light a cigarette
And finish the whiskey and coke
While outside my window
The indecipherable voices of two lovers penetrate the midnight air.
Under eyes that glimmer like aged marble
My senses are dulled and dumb
And I'm staring at this unmade bed
Saying to myself,
"Her body was there and I was next to her --
Asleep and peaceful.
Her warm body was pressed against mine
No words were spoken
And I was never a selfish asshole
While we slept.
Sleep is a cease-fire and you drop the weapons of your personality and submit to the inconceivable
The sky is naked and unashamed
And the moon beams its silent glow on lovers and soldiers alike.
Yes, she was there and so was I.
Every moment is a memory waiting for conception --
Some you cherish and hide forever in the sacred chambers of your heart
Others you regret and spend your remaining days attempting to erase
But regret stains bone and soul.
Regret is the constellation that burns through your bedroom curtains and penetrates your eyelids as you sleep.
Regret is forever.
And her body was there --
Next to mine."
I extinguish the candle
Crawl out of my chair
And lay on the floor.
Closing my eyes, sleep is near
And regret begins to creep through the window.

mc