pieced together

Last Wednesday marked my first Valentine's Day spent with someone special -- very special. As L and I approach our two month anniversary (I think "anniversary" is a rather grandiose term to use considering the length of time) I'm amazed she has chosen to remain by my side. I'm not a perfect man, far from it, and while I realize we all walk cracked and flawed, my blemishes seem to glint brighter and sting harsher, especially in interpersonal relationships. In light of this uncomely fact, L remains and we continue to grow closer. Her constant and steadfast presence has provided the one thing I've need for so long -- stability.
That very stability kept me together last weekend. L's best friend was married in Kentucky, and the experience was not an easy one for me. Leaving the safety of my cocoon, especially for a formal event filled with strangers, was not an easy choice, but I felt obligated and made the journey.
I purposely neglected to take my meds (I packed them but simply refused to take them) during the entire weekend. (My reason for doing so would require a separate post; perhaps a future entry).
The wedding was Saturday evening and Saturday night was a blur of assorted mixed alcoholic beverages -- too many beverages. With L riding shotgun and my new found comrade C in the back seat I left the reception scatterbrained. As I traversed freezing foreign roads my head buzzed with a million electric wasps, all of them scraping and screaming, determined to push my consciousness to the edge of some unbearable spine shattering reality.
Somehow I guided my ship back to home base.
"Tomorrow" seemed like a cruel illusion, a pristine fragment of suspended time that I wouldn't see alive.
Splintered memories like washed out photographs are all that remain from that night, but I vividly recall L by my side, preparing my bed for the night and caring for my alcohol saturated body. Her touch was a silent lullaby and precious sleep soon came.

I opened my eyes and it was Sunday morning, glorious Sunday morning. That unblemished fragment of time arrived and I had survived to see it. Breathe it. And L was by my side sleeping peacefully.
Stability.
My fingertips lightly brushed her cheek and my lips gently pecked her forehead.
Stability was by my side.
And even when she's out of reach and miles away, her face only a mirage glimmering in my mind, she is here, inside.
Stability.

Thank you, L.

mc