beautiful people and the laws of nature

from my notebook...earlier today

I'm not sure what has happened. I started the day in relatively high spirits but over the past hour or so that mood has completely deteriorated and now the fear of eternal loneliness pervades. I don't want to be that 37 year old single man spending evenings alone at home with TV dinners and sitcoms.
I see beautiful people everywhere.
Here...On the bus with their cellular phones and iPods.
There...Leaving the mall with Abercrombie & Fitch bags and designer perfumes.
There...Gliding down a sidewalk surrounded by similar looking bodies.
The hair. The teeth. The skin. The clothes. The technology.
And I feel like a deflating balloon of flesh and veins.

A little kid, probably 4 or 5 years old, just got on the bus. I don't like being around little kids when I'm in this state. I feel like the "after" of a "before and after" montage of a patient suffering from some kind of wretched disease - and death is at the doorstep.
I want to pull their small bodies aside and whisper in their ears, "Get out before it's too late, kid. Enjoy your ignorance while you can. This is all just a charade."
But they wouldn't understand me. I've never been able to properly speak to children. I use words that they don't understand. I feel like I'm talking to a tiny alien...Maybe I'm the creature from outer space.
Their short time on this planet has taught them some valuable lessons; lessons the caveman had to learn. But the painful and most important lessons will be learned later as their ignorance and innocence fades. They will discover these lessons through the interactions with their fellow human beings. They'll taste lessons of cruelty, heartache, betrayal and compassion (but only occasionally); they will learn the true laws of nature.

mc