shaking and trembling
Help me, I'm in Hell. I don't even know what to say right now. I've been shattered. I've been broken. I've been spit upon.
No one is here. No one is ever fucking here. Alone in Hell. Trust does not exist. A smile is a broken mirror. The touch of another human being is repulsive (flesh of slime).
I'm trying to formulate these feelings but I'm so fucking...I don't know.
I've constructed a palace in Hell.
These swords are so shiny. They glisten like dew on blades of grass in an April morning. Please plunge that cold steel into me. Slice my heart open and let it bleed. Just let it all fucking go...Let...It...All...Fucking...Go
THE MEN IN WHITE COATS ARE COMING FOR ME AND THEY WILL CONDUCT SOME WICKED EXPERIMENT..."We will remove, scrape out all of the individual's insides leaving nothing but a shell of a human being." And then they will laugh. This whole fucking planet will laugh as I stumble to make my way down this cold and crumbling sidewalk alone. O Mother, where are you? O Sister, why did you have to swallow those pills of poison? O Father, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm always sorry. The empty-handed apologist stumbling down a sidewalk. No one attempts to help. "Somebody put that poor fucking beast out of his misery," someone mumbles. Someone. That's all I ever needed was someone. Remove your mask of beauty and show me your scarred skull of deceit. Someone tell me I'm wrong. Please...Alone in Hell...Please tell me this isn't happening.......
shaking and trembling
mc
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2 comments:
not funny, man...you have no idea...
mc
"I guess the reason why I'm writing this is because I truly don't understand what you are going through. I hear and see stories a hundred times worse than all of the things you have written about put together."
JKiss - Thank you for your comments. I don't understand what I'm going through either which is why I get so scared sometimes. I've never subscribed to the theory that "it could always be worse" or "so many other people have it worse than you do." No one can experience life through the eyes of another. I like to say that no man's pain is greater than his own. I'll never fully understand your pain and vice versa. Do you know how terrifying it is to be in a black room when all the lights are on? "I don't understand why I can't see. This room is as bright as the sun but all I see is black." Logic relays one reality while the distorted logic in my head relays something entirely different. I don't know...
mc
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