same as it ever was

I open my eyes and squint at the red digits.
8:37 am
I close my eyes and fall asleep.

I open my eyes and squint at the red digits.
10:01 am
I close my eyes and fall asleep.

I open my eyes and dread this Monday of nothing. The human smell of my oily flesh lingers in the darkness.
"Fuck. Why get up? Why throw off these sheets just to brush my teeth, take a hot shower and put on some clothes? I have nothing to do today or tomorrow. I don't go back to work until Wednesday. Fuck. All of this so fucking pointless."
I crawl out of bed and the red digits tell me it's 1:13 pm. Fuck. I don't brush my teeth and I don't shower and that oily scent persists as I throw on some american blue jeans (made in Mexico) and a black long sleeve shirt.
This cold apartment. The walls pop and the floor cracks. With a few mouse clicks I find four unread email messages. The subject titles tell me the messages will remain unread and left for deletion.
I fire up the television and mindlessly click through the channels of empty (moving) images.
-
piece of shit talk show host
-
soap opera whore plastered with makeup (tears falling)
-
game show host giving 30 minutes of hope to the hopeless ("That's right, Sandy! If you answer this question correctly you'll be the winner of...")
-
cable news reporter feeding pellets of misinformation to a nation of (willful) zombies
-
bullshit sitcom from the 1970s (colors fading, laugh track screaming)
-
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing but the scent of my oily flesh.
Through blinds colored white and closed tight I gaze outside. Everything is still but for the fast food wrapper skipping across the pavement, grass, pavement. The sky is grey grey grey and the sun is neglecting us.
Generations overlap generations overlap generations overlap...All of this nothingness. Nothing is built upon nothing which is bulldozed to make room for more nothing (but this time it will be built better, stronger).
Generations overlap generations overlap generations overlap...Everyone is lost. Looking at this photograph from the 1920s and I'm struck by the faces. Staring, gazing into their faces, their eyes, looking for something familiar, recognizable.
"Don't look so hard," something whispers.
The faces and the flesh are the same. The packages have changed. The technologies have changed. There are more wires reaching across the sky. The lights blink faster and brighter. The buildings have changed (taller, shinier). The produ©ts are more colorful. The pace of life has changed.
But the substance hasn't.
In the eyes of those strangers from the 1920s I see hope. I see doubt. I see joy. I see fear. Can you see it?
The spectrum that is the human mind hasn't (nor will it ever) changed. We were just as lost then as we are right now. Nothing has changed. People are being born (right now!) and people are dying (right now!) on this huge rock, astray in space.
Tonight there is a question mark in the skies. It has always been and will forever be.
Tonight there is a map with no direction buried deep - somewhere.
It is in my heart.
It is in your heart.
It is in the living hearts of the breathing.
The dying hearts of the fading.
The crumbling hearts of the dead.
And the fantastic invisible hearts of the future living.
Lost - Always and forever.

mc



"Once in a Lifetime" by Talking Heads

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/Water flowing underground
Into the blue again/After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/Water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/Water flowing underground
Into the blue again/After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/Water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/Water flowing underground
Into the blue again/In the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/There is water underground.

Letting the days go by/Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/Water flowing underground
Into the blue again/After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/Water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Letting the days go by/Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/Water flowing underground
Into the blue again/In the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/There is water underground.

Letting the days go by/Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/Water flowing underground
Into the blue again/After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/Water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...