always fleeting

think about who you were 5, 10, 15 years ago...try to picture yourself in a familiar place from that time period...does it seem real? was it real?


On Wednesday I was driving past South High School when I heard the sound. The South marching band was practicing. I recalled doing the same thing 10 years ago. Has it been 10 years? Ten years since I was a full of shit teenager fumbling with my books at my locker, thinking I knew it all. Wow, 10 years. When I think about who and what I was it doesn't seem real. Did I really occupy space and time a decade ago? That person isn't real to me. I cannot visualize myself outside of myself, especially this "person" 10 years ago. Who was I? What did I stand for, if anything?
I've never been one to collect photographs. In fact I don't believe I have one single picture of my family. Anyway, what is captured in a photograph? My yearbook picture from 1995 tells me nothing. It does not tell me who I was then or what I was. It's simply an image, but I digress.
I'm fascinated with the idea of my past existence. The teenager from 10 years ago is a stranger to me, if he was indeed real. Why? Because I cannot prove my past existence. I could take a Polaroid photograph and say, "Look. This is me at 12:23 am on Monday, September 26, 2005." No. I could etch my name, date and time in fresh concrete to prove my existence. No. These actions prove nothing. The Polaroid picture? An image. My name in concrete? Another image. Have you seen the images George Lucas has created? An image is not a contract with reality. An image is a dream. An image is the color of water. An image is air.
So how do I prove I exist? I can't prove it to you. Hell, I can't prove it to myself because we are unable to capture the present and make it tangible. The present is always fleeting. The speed of life is too fast to capture. Maybe that cheesy love song is right...All we have is now......

mc

We kill others in an attempt to shape the future and kill ourselves to try to change the past.