my experience with at&t

For thirty-eight hours I had no Internet access; hence, fuck AT&T. In 1974, the US Department of Justice broke up the multi conglomerate based on the company's monopolization of the telecomm industry. The time has come again.

Wednesday evening at 7PM I spoke to an AT&T customer specialist (clearly working inside one of those megaplex call centers in India). After 15 minutes of unsuccessfully attempting several troubleshooting techniques, I was told, "Oh, I see there is an outage in your area." I was told to call back in four hours, which, foolishly, I did.

At 11PM and I call and, for 15 minutes, hear more of the same: restart the modem, check your cables and connections. "Nothing's changed?" he asked. "Um, no," I replied. "OK, let me run a few tests." Said tests took about five minutes to complete. The tests came back negative, apparently. His response - seriously, this was his response: "There appears to be an outage in your area. If you don't receive an Internet signal by 7PM THE FOLLOWING EVENING, please call us back." If a supposed "outage" was the culprit, why did he spend 15 minutes feeding me diagnostic info and troubleshitting techniques (info that's easily found on AT&T's site) and then, after those useless tips and fuck-off test, tell me an "outage" may be impacting my area?

I was up Thursday morning at 9AM. Still no 'Net. This is bullshit, I thought. Why did others throughout my complex still have Internet if some crippling outage had occurred? I called again –angry – and flat out demanded a service tech ASAP. This asshole made me run through the same troubleshooting techniques as I had done the previous night. "I've done them. I'm not going to do them again." "Well, sir, if I can't run these troubleshooting techniques, I can't help you." "OK," I responded (as I contemplated a mass-shooting spree) "let's do it!" (sarcastic enthusiasm). We did it. He then ran a test. The test determined that the most likely cause of the problem was based on a line – OUTSIDE MY HOME. A service tech was then scheduled to visit my home between 8AM and 12noon – the following day.

Two hours after that phone call I received a prerecorded message from AT&T stating that the issue had been resolved – it hadn't. I was then transferred to a live customer service rep who claimed that the order to send a service tech to my home may not have been processed. (Can you fucking believe this!) He made a few clicks, "Oh, it's OK. He will be there. He's scheduled to be at your address between 8AM and 12noon Friday. I may be able to get someone to your area tonight? Like me to check?" he offered. "Sure, that'd be great!" (real enthusiasm). "Oh, I'm sorry. Nothing is available for tonight. Guess it will have to be tomorrow morning at 8AM."

"Yeah, thanks Mr. Stephen Hawking, you fuck."

The following morning a service tech visited my apartment and guess what? The problem wasn't a line outside my home – it was my modem. It was a problem that should have been identified by that "fuck-off test" performed Wednesday night. According to my roommate, who was home during the tech's visit, the tech was "surprised" she was able to get the new replacement modem working. Unbelievable. AT&T will probably charge me $60 for the service visit. That's $60 AT&T will never see. I'll take those thickheaded fucks to Judge Judy if I have to.

Fuck AT&T. Disband AT&T. (We have a "socialist" president, right?)

If you've had a pleasurable experience with AT&T (the pleasure of hanging up on them doesn't count), please let me know. Also, please include the mind-altering substances you consumed during your pleasurable conversation.

xx