never mind

I no longer have health insurance. Apparently there is a clause buried within the labor agreement that if an employee does not work 1560 or more hours during the benefit year, which cycles every May, said employee loses health insurance. I fell 135 hours short of the mark and as of May 1 (keep in mind I was informed of this today, May 4) I no longer have medical or dental insurance, which means no therapist, no psychiatrist and no more prescriptions. (In light of my mood in recent days, I am convinced the Topamax is having little, if any, impact, so discontinuing it worries me not.)

Earlier I was disgusted with myself, the situation, everything, because I invested much hope in consulting with a therapist and new psychiatrist, all with the goal of gaining ground on this thing that seems bent on destroying me.

Now I am numb. I will do what I have done in the past when faced with these… these thoughts: attempt to find solace in the vast quietness of nihilism.

xx