"in the beginning ..."

I feel the need to write ... strike keys and compose ... apply words to the thoughts and feelings. But the words will not surface ...

Can I recover what I have lost? Can I retrieve the girl I foolishly tossed away? At the very least I have reclaimed our friendship, but I want more. I want what we had -- in the beginning. That spark of excitement ... the prospect of a tomorrow together. I want her to embrace me with the untainted eyes and virgin heart of a woman who dreamed of a future with me -- before I shattered the image of what I could be. I'm ready to be that man for her. And for myself.

But she is in the company of another man. Perhaps the possibility of losing her forever had to strike my heart before I could realize what she meant to me. Perhaps the possibility of losing myself (forever) had to light my soul before I could realize what I wanted, what I needed.

And now? This man finds himself in limbo. My head is awash in uncertainty. Will she see what I see? And if so, can she trust the very heart I have shattered? Can she trust me? Yes. Yes. Yes she can. Because I have faith in myself. I'm ready to walk into tomorrow -- together.

(Can you hear me, Love?)

xx

Wilco "Pieholden Suite"

There's a whisper
I would like to breathe
Into your ear
But I'm too scared
To get that close
To you right now

There are dreams
We might have shared
And I still care
And I still love you
But you know how I've been untrue

In the beginning
We closed our eyes
Whenever we kissed
We were surprised
To find so much inside

Jeff Tweedy "Pieholden Suite" (Live at the Vic)