change

Call this enlightenment. An awakening. Perhaps it's simply a chemical reaction in the brain. Whatever it is, the self-proclaimed nihilist is having his doubts. The man who shunned God, spirituality, etc. is now seeking something higher, something organized.
Something has changed inside.
A light, glowing.
Something, shimmering.
I used to think the term "organized religion" was an oxymoron. Religion is far greater than any man on this planet so how can he collect the ideals and the principles of such an immense concept and attempt to make these tenets tangible to his fellow man?
But something has changed.
I feel like I need, I want something organized, something structured to bind myself to. I believe this is why my past "awakenings" have fizzled and faded; I lacked a frame to build and extend from. I lacked a set of commandments, if you will, to connect and adapt to.
I didn't realize it at the time, but Matisyahu's (Matisyahu is a Hasidic Jew that performs reggae/rap/rock music) concert had a spiritual impact on me. There was something pure and untainted about the man performing on stage. I could have been deaf, my ears not catching a single note, yet the freedom of the artist, the man, the human being still would have permeated everything.
So as an introduction to Judaism, I ordered Judaism For Dummies from Amazon (I've always felt insecure about reading these Dummies books, but hey, what can I say, at least I'm honest).
I don't know, I feel a little hesitant about diving into organized religion, especially Judaism since I wasn't raised in that faith. I was raised by two parents that celebrated Christmas, and when I was very young we attended Easter services -- the only day of the year we went to church (although I don't recall attending these services after I turned 6 or 7 years old), so I can hardly say I was raised in a Christian household.
So how does one with a clean slate, spiritually speaking, know which path to travel? I guess I feel like I should be able to defend and/or support my interest in Judaism. Why do I feel that way? Should I feel that way? I'm looking for a justification, a rationalization for this interest, but maybe I don't need one. To paraphrase Chuck Palahniuk, as soon as you give yourself a good reason, you'll start chipping away at it.
But I'm still bothered by this notion. I want to commit myself to something higher, I want to become a better person -- are these desires enough? I feel they should be yet I fear the question "So why Judaism?" I feel like I shouldn't have an answer to this question, but since I'm coming from a place that was ostensibly absent of a particular faith, I feel like I should have a response.
Any reader comments would be highly appreciated.

mc