every snowflake

I don't like this feeling right now. Anxious. Afraid. Needs. I don't know what I need right now. Someone or something to tell me this moment is real. Right now. This moment. The snow is falling outside...So beautiful. Every snowflake seems to contain a piece of my heart. Falling...And falling...And falling. Gently.
Today is Xmas. What does that mean? I wish I could express this feeling. Right now. But the words escape me. I'm struggling at the bottom of a pond...This water is beginning to freeze...I'm crawling...Reaching...Grasping to reach the surface. Someone throw me a life-saver...Something that will float over the waves...Something I can depend on. I need a warm hand, wrapped in flesh, to reach into these freezing waters..."I'm here, Love. Don't give up. I'm down here, reaching for your safety, your warmth...you. Please, keep trying. I know this water is cold but I am down here...I'm reaching, hoping, grasping...Where are you, Love?"

mc