a warrant for sister

i get home from work at 730pm to find a message from mom on my voicemail. she is crying. she says to call her. she ends the message saying, "i love you." i know what the phone call is about. it has to be about my sister. i call mom. as i dial the number i'm preparing myself for the news of my sister's death...suicide...something. mom admits she is drunk. her voice is shaky. to myself i say, "here we go again." i eventually find out that my sister has stolen jewelry from the roommate that kicked her out last week. she pawns the jewelry to a pawn shop. a warrant has been issued for my sister's arrest. my mom begins to break down, bawl, she says she doesn't know what to do...dad doesn't even know about all of this. i say that i'm not going to go through this shit again...mom asks what do i do? i tell her the truth. it doens't matter what you do...it doesn't matter what you say...nothing can help a junkie but the fix for their disease. i try to tell her that her actions are futile when dealing with my sister...once again i say, "it doesn't matter what you do!" mom hangs up. mom was drunk so i let it slide. i know how this will end. is it how i want it to end? of course not. but what some people, including mom, cannot understand is that the lives of other human beings are not tangible...our actions, while they might affect someone in the short term, ultimately have no affect on others. we can't even determine what happens in our own lives. monkeys will do what they do. humans will do what they do. a junkie is a robot that no one else can program. you will put yourself through hell trying to flash a signal, a sign, anything to get their attention but nothing will work. nothing. so why punish yourself while attempting to make contact? LET GO....RELEASE....UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE AT THE MERCY OF THE COSMOS....THE CAUSE...AND THE EFFECT.........THIS IS LIFE.

mc