a voice and the process of things

sunday morning and i just woke up...i dont like sundays, never have. anyway, things have been getting out of control this weekend. behavior bordering dangerous but i dont seem to care. the "not caring" part is a double edged sword because on one hand i feel very free. i dont care about the opinions of others and i can "be myself" (whatever that means). but not caring can also be dangerous, reckless. a rash, heedless man can cause much damage to others....and himself. i am still mindful of the wall that separates most of us from self-preservation and collapse but i wonder about my future. what kind of man will i be 5, 10 years from now? can anything be done about the natural process of things? what kind of control do we have over our future? i laugh at those who protest our involvement in iraq....do they think anyone is truly listening to them? i believe that their signs, their chants, their protests are advertisements. advertisements for themselves. they are saying, "look at me. i exist. this is my voice." ultimately, it does not matter what any of us are saying. we simply want to hear our voices echoing through some part of the cosmos. bathroom graffiti - LM WAS HERE.........lovers etch their presence on a tree in lover's lane - FW + MB 4-EVER. these very blogs represent sand on a beach somewhere in the world. but the sand is alive....and the sand is shouting. this blog is a grain of sand. your blog is a grain of sand. step back and listen to the chaos of a million voices shouting, screaming. it's all nonsense in the end. it is the chatter of a stadium filled with thousands. it is the cracking of leaves under your feet in october. we are a collection of noise.

mc