good news bad news

I turned thirty-two on Sunday. Wasn’t much of a celebration. Panda Bear got me David Cross's latest album, a gift certificate for the Phish Dry Goods store, and then treated me to a French toast dinner at IHOP (I’m obviously not a hard man to please). For a parting gift, I, with assistance from P.B., pocketed an IHOP logo-emblazoned coffee cup. We then enjoyed the cool evening in the spacious backyard of our apartment by tossing the Frisbee. Simple pleasures are the most satisfying.

I don’t think it’s related to my birthday, but the last several days have been emotionally turbulent. Just an unexplained sadness. Sometimes this sadness transforms into a blind loathing for everyone, everything. Days like these, suicide is a fascinating option. Sometimes it feels like the inevitable conclusion of everything that I am.

I did receive some good news, however. Yesterday I received notice from the ____ campus that I have been accepted into its Registered Nursing Program. When I submitted my application many weeks ago, I felt very confident about making it in, but I had no idea just how competitive the field was. My application score was 212 out of 223 (95%); the cutoff was a remarkably high 208. The Nursing Coordinator at _____ said she was surprised by the number of high scores (last year the cutoff score was 202).

All this is good news, of course. But it isn’t great. I’m moving to ____ in a couple weeks, and the ____ _____ letters have yet to be sent. I have until June 18 to inform the Bloomington campus of my intent, so I’m hoping to receive word from ____ soon. ____ is about an 80-minute drive from Bloomington, and that isn’t a drive I want to make several days a week, but I will if I have to. I’m assuming (and hoping) that if my 212 was good enough for Bloomington, it’s good enough for ____. From what I have gathered, the Bloomington scores were among the highest in the state, so I’m still optimistic, but I’m not as confident as I once was.

I just want to move on from all this shit.

xx