weekend

L spent another weekend with me; she left a few hours ago. Whenever she leaves I'm filled with regret -- I take her presence for granted and don't treat her as well as I should. She tolerates my volatile personality, and I'm amazed by her patience and constant love -- I couldn't ask for more. I wish I could refine myself, smooth out the rough edges and become the man she deserves. Inside my head is a Hollywood/TV image of a loving boyfriend -- and I fall dreadfully short of this image. I realize this image doesn't truly exist, but I want to exceed all of her expectations and satisfy her every desire. Unfortunately my actions tend to belie my heart's intentions; I'm puzzled by this disconnection.

I finished the first draft of an untitled short story. I'm now in the process of making revisions and I'm also working on another story. Rummaging through a notebook of potential screenplay ideas recently, I realized that many of the sketches are better suited for short stories, not scripts. I use much imagery in my writings and it's hard to convey what I "see" in the form of a screenplay. I still hope to complete a screenplay someday, but at this moment my creative energy is pushing me in a different direction.

My head is whirling with many thoughts of multiple shades right now, too many to pinpoint and plaster with words. Tomorrow awaits.

Goodnight.

mc