26 August 2007

quitting

Today was Joe's memorial service. Approximately 100 people attended the touching service and several of his close friends spoke. All of them expressed the same sentiment: Joe was a man of extraordinary kindness and his zany personality will never be forgotten.
After the service I came home to find a message from Mom -- Sister's wedding is off. (In previous weeks both had expressed some doubts about the wedding but eventually decided to make the giant leap into marriage.) Last night, Sister's fiance, in a drunken rage, shoved her. Mom relayed other details of the altercation, but I can't recall them. It's just another anecdote from suffering Sister's life. The incidents, the stories, and the lies have metastasized forming a giant, indistinguishable tumor, leaving her family numb, puzzled, and lacking direction.
I've begun to wean myself off my psychiatric medications. I have little doubt that my lack of creativity is directly related to the chemical changes in my brain. I've noticed other subtle changes in my personality: Months ago I purchased Chuck Palahniuk's latest novel and The Basic Writings of Existentialism, yet I have no interest to read them (or anything else, for that matter); I spend too much time watching television.
Every day has become a routine of nothingness, and motivation is a dead ghost.
Before I began taking the medications, I wondered if the substances would impact me creatively, and, while I can't prove it, I believe they have shortened my creative neurons, leaving me uninspired and frustrated. Is it possible I have manifested this fear subconsciously? Perhaps. But I was (and still am) very skeptical of the psychiatric field, especially psychiatric medications, long before my first visit with Dr. F.
When Dr. F. wrote my first prescription, I asked her if the medications were a temporary solution or a lifelong sentence; she said the latter. I refuse to accept a permanent condemnation to mind altering substances.

mc

15 August 2007

a bloomington music revival?

Aside from the aforementioned David Bazan and Casiontone for the Painfully Alone show on 10 September, Bloomington will host some very good acts in the coming weeks. Here is a calendar of shows provided by local indie music store Landlocked Music.

23 August - Magnolia Electric Co. @ Bluebird
31 August - Papercuts @ Bear's Place
5 September - Jennifer Gentle (with The Dodos) @ Bear's Place
6 September - Heartless Bastards (Wow -- listen to "Into the Open") @ Bluebird
10 September - David Bazan with Casiotone for the Painfully Alone @ Waldron Arts Center
20 September - Nomo (I saw this ensemble perform at WIUX's Culture Shock and they lit the stage on fire!) @ Uncle Fester's
5 October - Old Time Relijun (I love how "Daemon Meeting" ends with the existentialist's eternal question "What does it mean to be human?") @ Bear's Place
23 October - Jens Lekman @ Jake's

mc

12 August 2007

a sequence of time

Joe's memorial service will be on 26 August. It's going to be a rather odd experience considering he passed away on 20 July. Most of my co-workers have accepted his death and a sense of normalcy has settled in at my workplace; however, every time I pass his now empty office I'm reminded of the huge vacancy he's left behind.
It's strange -- whenever I approach a red Honda Civic (the type of car he owned) on the road I glance at the driver, as if I expect to see Joe behind the wheel.
In other work-related news, I'm one of two candidates to replace the training supervisor who will retire in a year. This is a salaried position and that means a big pay increase, added benefits, and many other perks. It's a position that will also allow me to demonstrate my instructing abilities among other attributes that I can't exhibit when I'm behind the wheel of a bus. I've always been able to connect with diverse people, which is why I've been a training assistant for nearly four years.
In other news, my part-time eBay business is doing exceptionally well. I recently treated myself to a Canon A570 IS 7.1 megapixel camera with 4X optical zoom lens so expect to see more pics here at T.S.Tv.S.
Also, Ry and I will see the best dressed band in rock and roll Interpol for the third time this year at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago on 11 October; The Liars are the opening band, so it should be a wonderful show.
L and I are no longer speaking. (Insert Interpol's "Wrecking Ball" here.) We broke up several weeks ago but maintained a friendship until a week or two ago. She stopped responding to my text messages and that's that.
Sister's wedding will be on 8 September. I had a lengthy conversation with her last weekend, and she seems to be doing well. I constantly feel like my sister's well-being is precariously balancing on a tight rope, and at this point, I can't ever see that not being the case.
And me? I'm doing fine. I haven't written anything creative for several weeks, which is very upsetting. Inspiration has been lacking. I need rain, thunderstorms -- not this oppressive heat. I need a change of seasons. I'm begging for Autumn; I'm pleading for Mother Winter.
Last Friday, I saw MKF driving on Bloomfield Road. I hope she and child (has it been eight months since we last spoke?) are doing well.

mc

11 August 2007

i recalled her black dress and she said goodbye

















"I Recalled Her Black Dress and She Said Goodbye" photo by mc
(click to enlarge)

04 August 2007

casiotone for the painfully alone returns to bloomington!

Casiotone for the Painfully Alone returns to Bloomington on 10 September 2007! He'll be supporting the amazing David Bazan (previously known as the front man of the now defunct Pedro the Lion) during a 14 date tour. Bazan has recently received praise for his amazing cover of Radiohead's "Let Down," which you'll find below in my imeem media player.
I saw Casiotone for the Painfully Alone a few months ago at Bloomington's Landlocked Records, and he delivered a spectacular performance. His cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Philadelphia" sent chills up my spine.
Casiotone for the Painfully Alone and David Bazan on the same bill is a can't miss show. They'll perform at the Waldron Arts Center.

mc